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Monday, March 26, 2018

Tips for dealing with a strong willed child


As previously mentioned--I am a strong believer in the idea that you get back what you gave your parents. As a child, I was definitely strong willed. My father worked out of town during the week, so it was just me and mom a lot of the time. As sad as it is to say--I know that I got away with a lot because she was just too tired to fight with me. Now that I am a mom, I feel her pain from way back then. I still don't know how she did it.

This time of year in our household is crazy. My husband is a soccer coach and he coaches two teams. This means that he is not home very much during the week. It is pretty much just me and P most nights. My husband is definitely more of the disciplinarian in our home, so I can see that P definitely tries to push the envelope more with me. She's a smart girl that understands the strategy of divide and conquer.


In general the kid is just strong willed. She knows what she wants and she will not back down. Here are a few things that I have found that help with her. My hope is that they might work with your child as well. By all means, though, we are still working. It is a process.

1. Know when to negotiate, but be careful
A long time ago I wrote a post on dealing with tantrums. In that post I talked about how I use positive reinforcement (aka bribery) with my child. To this day that is one of my most read posts. You can check it out here. While I still believe in positive reinforcement--I do think that it can be a slippery slope as your child gets older. You want to find a balance on using rewards for good behavior without it becoming the only way you can get said good behaviors. Once this starts to happen--it really isn't good for parent or child. It's time to use some fresh tactics.


We often negotiate with our daughter over small things like screen time (one more minute) or number of bites she has to eat of peas--but not over more important things like baths or bedtimes. I think that drawing that line in the sand also sends a message to your child about priorities.

2. Pick your battles
This is in almost every parenting post that I write. Every. Single. One. I cannot stress enough how much I believe in this. There are just some days, and just some times where the fight is not worth it. I believe in readdressing that behavior later. For instance--I will always try to diffuse situations in the morning because we simply do not have time to fight it out. I would much rather address that issue on a weekend morning where the message is still clear, but we are not all late for work! Bottom line is that you know your kid, and you know their breaking point. You want to walk that fine line of addressing the issues without demoralizing them completely for the day.


My favorite tactic for this is to address the same few behaviors at a time. This weekend we were working on defiance. Every time she told us no--we addressed it. That was our focus. While we certainly addressed other behaviors here and there. We were more willing to let a few slide to prevent our daughter from reaching the point of total frustration. More than a few times at least.

3. Choose a punishment and stick to it
This can be hard for many parenting teams. Different parents have different punishments that they like. Whether you believe in spanking or not--find a strategy that you can both get behind and use it consistently. In our house we are really trying to focus on time out. I have noticed that it does make a difference. The key is to be consistent.


4. Use negative reinforcement
A lot of parents don't like negative reinforcement, but for a particularly strong willed child like my own--I do think that it is necessary. My daughter is currently going through an overly emotional phase. Any time that we tell her no, or she thinks that we have raised our voices at her (what she considers yelling is not yelling to me), she will cry. This is not acceptable behavior. She needs to be able to deal with redirection.


Once we have done time out several times and cycled through our other tactics--the negative reinforcement is the last strategy I reach for. The key with this strategy is to use what your child likes the most. My kid loves stuffed animals. She sleeps with about 30 of them--seriously! So last night when she cried when I asked her to pick up her socks, I took all of her animals and threw them in the hallway. She was forced to sleep the whole night without them. May sound mean, but it is SOOOO effective!

5. Keep the lines of communication consistent
The key to any good strategy with behavior is to communicate the reasons for the punishment to your child. You want to do so calmly and clearly. This is best done after they are calm. My preferred method of delivery is at the end of time out right before you release them to play again. This is usually after they have calmed down, yet they are eager to listen because they want to go play.


You want to keep your voice calm, yet firm. I also like to use the same wording each time. My speech usually starts something like this:

"Piper, do you understand why you were sent to time out?"
"Why was that not a good choice?"
"What do you need to do in the future?"

At the end I always make sure to tell her that I love her, and I only want to keep her safe. We then end the discussion with hugs and kisses. It is the same every time, and I believe that this consistency is key.


6. Make sure you address when they are doing things well
This is the tactic that I struggle with the most. As parents, I feel that it is easy to get caught up in the negative, and so hard to focus on all of the things that our children are doing right every day. AND that is really sad! This is something that I am trying to work on. Ultimately, at 4 years old, my daughter does want me to be proud of her, and I know that this can be a big tool that I can use to help reinforce good behavior in the future. It's as simple as complimenting her use of manners when saying. "excuse me." I am making that my goal for this week!

How do you deal with your strong willed child? Tell me in the comments!

Tuesday, March 20, 2018

Tips for Dealing with Picky Eaters


Growing up I was a self proclaimed picky eater. I didn't like very much, and didn't try new things often...if ever. Because of my pickiness I knew that I would have a picky child. I am big believer in the idea that you get back what you give your parents. AND...my daughter is SUPER picky.

Here's a quick list of what my daughter will eat:
loaf bread
peanut butter
french fries
strawberries
bananas
yogurt
apples and applesauce
water melon
grapes
cheese
cream cheese
plain bagels
spaghetti noodles with butter or plain marinara sauce
kraft style macaroni and cheese
popcorn shrimp
Chick-fil-a chicken nuggets (she doesn't like them very much. I have to force her to eat them!)
corn
english peas

that is it. Really. I swear. It's not very much at all, and it can really get me worried on a daily basis. I mean, what child doesn't like Chick-fil-A? It's almost sacrilegious in my neck of the woods. The even sadder part is that it has really gotten a whole lot better since I have implemented a few new tools into our lives over the last 6 months. Want to hear what has helped my picky eater?


1. Stop avoiding the problem!
For the longest time--I just avoided the issue by making her food that I knew she would eat. This meant that I was cooking her a separate meal every meal from the rest of the family. This is just not practical. This also meant that I was packing her lunches and dinners when we ate out--that is even more impractical, not to mention embarrassing!

After consulting my daughter's doctor we decided that something had to change! We stopped the avoidance immediately and prepared for all out war--and it was NOT easy! She put up a good fight, but I had some other tricks up my sleeve. Ultimately, I realized that I was exhausting myself, and I was doing my child a major injustice at the same time.

2. Provide incentives
This is one of the best tools that I have found to work with my picky eater. I recommend that you use what your child does like and make it into a reward for eating the other items on the plate. This could be a dessert, piece of candy, jello, or fruit. Whatever your picky eater likes--use it as a reward for eating those things that they do not like. My daughter has a major sweet tooth, and she loves cookies. I will put Oreos on her plate, but she has to eat all the other items on her plate before she can eat the Oreos.

3. Choices
I have noticed that my daughter is more likely to eat something when she has chosen it. When I am picking out what to make for dinner I will let her make decisions. It's something as simple as green beans or carrots? She is less likely to throw down with me if she makes the choice. Obviously you want the choices to be equally healthy or disliked for this tip to be effective.

4. Get peer help
My daughter would never eat pizza until Halloween when we went over to her bestie's house, and that is what they provided for dinner. Since her friend was eating it--she was excited to do the same. Ever since she has done much better with Pizza!

5. The bite technique
One technique that is an oldie but a goodie is the bite trick. For the things that my daughter really dislikes I give her a small number of bites that she has to eat of that food before she can have her dessert or treat. Usually I try to go for her age. Since she is 4--she has to eat 4 bites of carrots or green beans or spinach before she can have her cookie. This is the same method my mom used to use with me. It works so well!

6. Sneak them in
When all else fails a good way to sneak in unwanted fruits or vegetables is to sneak them in to a "milkshake" or smoothie. My daughter loves her "milkshakes" You can totally throw some spinach in with a banana and strawberries to give them some extra veggies!


Another product that I swear by is Juice Plus. These are fruit and veggie juice gummies that are whole food nutrition. My daughter thinks they are candy and she loves them! They really make me feel better at the end of the day. If all else fails I know that she has gotten the bare minimum that she needs with these gummies. You can check them out here. They are so good that I take them too! They are sold my independent distributors, so if you are interested contact me and I can give you the hook up!

I hope these tips and tricks help another mother out there who struggles with a picky eater! In solidarity, sisters!

Monday, March 12, 2018

How to speed up your morning when you have kids


When I first started working 10 years ago--I was meticulous about being early for work each and every day so that I would have time to get get myself prepared. I am one of those people that just needs my time when I first get to work to read emails and prepare for the tasks at hand that day. THEN I had my daughter--and there was a definite learning curve.


Now that she is a big kid, there are days when her moods can really slow the process down in the morning. There are times when she just doesn't want to get out of bed, doesn't like what she is wearing, doesn't want to brush her hair etc. But I still have to get to work. What is a mom to do?

There are a few things that I have found that help keep us all on time in the morning.

1. Shower at night.

I know that a lot of people hate showering at night,but it is a great way to save time the morning. I like to shower at night and dry my hair a little bit before bed. Then when I wake up I can run the curling wand over my hair and it is good to go.

Obviously bathing my child at night is the only option I will even consider at this point. We would have to get up at 4:30 in the morning to fit in a bath for her.

2. Lay out everyone's outfits the night before.

This one step is an easy one to forget, but it really does save me a bunch of time and I am trying to become a lot more consistent with it. When I lay my clothes out the night before I am able to save myself so much time in the morning thinking about what I am going to wear. It also gives me the chance to iron anything that needs ironing.

For my daughter I usually lay out two options. Since she wears a uniform top--all I do is lay out to pants options. This helps to avoid fits over what she is going to wear. She feels like it is her choice, and we all win.

I would also suggest laying all parts of the outfit out including shoes and jewelry for a one stop shop.

3. Make lunches the night before and possibly even on the weekends.

This is usually something that my husband takes care of. He makes salads for every day of the week on Sunday night and I just pick them up in the morning to bring with me to work. My daughter's lunch is included at school (for now) so that is not a problem, but in 2 more years--We will probably make her lunch each night before bed as well.

4. Pack book bags/work bags the night before

Before going to bed I make sure that my laptop and other school items are already in my bag, and that my daughter's book-bag is prepped and ready for the next school day. This is imperative to make sure that things do not get forgotten--that can really put you behind.

5. Pick your battles

There are going to be those days when my daughter fights waking up or doesn't like either of the choices for outfits, and you just have to decided which battles to pick sometimes I just let her pick a pair of pants in those cases...even if they don't match. I mean, who really cares?

6. Divide and conquer.

My husband and I tag team the operations in the morning when we are both available. There are times when he is out of town and I have to do it myself, but it is rare. He get's P dressed most days while I finish up my makeup and hair. I then am responsible for her hair, brushing her teeth, and making sure she uses the bathroom before we leave. I think that it is key to be a team. When you specialize in just a few jobs everyone gets out earlier!

What you are noticing from this list is that it makes for a much later night for you, but I would rather go to bed a little later and sleep in awhile longer.

What are your hacks for morning time in your household?

Friday, March 9, 2018

Friday Favorites--My Favorite Post About Infant Sleep and Scheduling


When my little P was an infant--I became the master Babywise type mom. I totally believed wholeheartedly in scheduling you baby's day. I believe that P was a much happier baby because she was thoroughly rested. I also believe that she learned how to fall asleep. Even though, this may seem like an easy skill--it's not necessarily that way. I had the hardest time falling asleep well into adulthood. My child doesn't have any issues with sleep, and I believe it stems from the techniques I used in her first year of life.


One of my posts about scheduling is my most pinned post from Pinterest. That is why I have decided to write this post. I can totally understand why people are drawn to my post--all new moms are desperately searching for anything to help them sleep more!


Below I have linked my favorite posts on sleep training and sample schedules that I used for my daughter.

I would love to hear about your sweet babies and what you have found to work for them. My husband and I are currently considering and planning for Baby #2 and I need to re-learn all over again!

1. How To Get Your Newborn On A Schedule

This post is a general tips and tricks post on how to start out. It includes the basics of how to start as well as addresses some FAQs.

2. Why I Did Cry It Out

This post is on one of the most controversial parts of sleep training and scheduling--cry it out. I try to talk about it in a humorous way. I know that lots of parents have a hard time with this, but I swear that it works. I include some tips and tricks in this one as well.

3. Sample Schedule Posts

Below I have linked my daughter's sample schedules for her first two transitions. These should help you moms out there that like to be prepared for the future.

Weeks 7-10

Weeks 10-15

4. Introduction of Solid Foods With Scheduling

When I introduced solids her schedule seemed it change a bit. It definitely make life a little bit more difficult.

5. Schedule from 6-9 Months

After starting solids my daughter's schedule held steady for a long time. This was the longest stretch that she went without changing it up from time to time. She became pretty predictable and oh-so-happy!

I hope you enjoy these posts!
Caroline