Had me a blast! Such a blast that I did not have the time, or the desire (sorry) to write the blogs that I promised you guys at the beginning of the summer. I'm so bad at this lately. I am having a bit of a blog identity crisis in all actuality. This blog started as a way to chronicle my journey into motherhood. Now my baby is 2 1/2, and that title doesn't really fit for me anymore. I have really struggled trying to find a new identity blog-wise. I'm working on it. Maybe I should just have another baby to solve that problem. (I'm kidding, Jared!)
This summer has been full of fun. This was the first year that we really started traveling a lot. We no longer fear the long car rides with P. She is a great little car rider (I'm so totally knocking on wood right now). We even took our first trip sans kids since P was born. It was so much fun we are already planning next summer. AND I may or may not be taking my child back to Disney World for the second time in 6 months. I know, I'm totally nuts!
Summer really did just fly by. But during these two months we have managed to get a lot done. We successfully quit the crib, and transitioned P to a big girl bed. AND we are almost completely PACI FREE!!!!! AHHH! If you know P then you know she was mightily attached to both of those things, but she has done a stellar job so far.
Then there is the potty training. It is still a process with both good days and bad. P definitely knows when she has to go and can hold it, but will sometimes boycott when she is upset or angry. Number 2 in the potty is pretty much a no go as P still struggles badly with constipation.
I threw a baby shower last weekend for one of my Mommy and Me friends who is having her second little girl. It affirmed in me in so many ways how much I love to host parties and showers. I love my friends and love to celebrate the moments in their lives that are so special. I found myself being choked up the whole day (no one noticed, thank god). I don't know what that is all about other than the fact that I am a big ol' softie. I had loads of fun planning and working on the event, and look forward to hosting another one in November for another close friend. Gah--everyone around me is pregnant it seems. I really should get paid to do this. Maybe one day--sigh!
I'll be honest this summer got me thinking a lot about the future and where I want to go. I have always felt really led to be a mom, and since I gave birth to P I have felt that my family was not yet done expanding. But over the last few weeks I find myself struggling internally with the thought of having that second baby and becoming a family of four (sometimes 5). It is such a monumental decision, and it is not one to be made halfheartedly.
When I think about P being the only baby I birth, nurse, and cuddle I feel the lump in the base of my throat start to grow. Like I have said before, when you experience that type of love--you want more. I so want to do all of those tiny baby things again. I REALLY do. I don't fear sleepless nights. or even labor. None of those deter me. What does is toddlerhood--because I AM NOT a toddler person. I don't enjoy toddlerhood as much as I enjoyed the first year. I am being totally honest here. Anyone else out there with me? no? I'm just terrible all by myself out here on the island. OK then.
I also fear that I won't be as good the second time. There are so many things I want a do over for--like breastfeeding. But I also worry that I've forgotten how to do all of those baby things. I know I would pick it back up, but part of me dreads having to go back to those things after being away for so long.
Then there is actually being pregnant. I do NOT look forward to that. I had a very easy pregnancy with P, but I worked from home. The next one I would be on my feet all day. That would be killer. I don't know if I could handle the horrible morning sickness while working.
But a decision has to be made one way or the other soon. The jury is still out on this one. I know which way I am leaning right now, though. You'll just have to stay tuned to see what (if anything) happens.
Happy Friday Friends!
Caroline
