Thursday, July 21, 2016

Summer Lovin

Had me a blast! Such a blast that I did not have the time, or the desire (sorry) to write the blogs that I promised you guys at the beginning of the summer. I'm so bad at this lately. I am having a bit of a blog identity crisis in all actuality. This blog started as a way to chronicle my journey into motherhood. Now my baby is 2 1/2, and that title doesn't really fit for me anymore. I have really struggled trying to find a new identity blog-wise. I'm working on it. Maybe I should just have another baby to solve that problem. (I'm kidding, Jared!)

This summer has been full of fun. This was the first year that we really started traveling a lot. We no longer fear the long car rides with P. She is a great little car rider (I'm so totally knocking on wood right now). We even took our first trip sans kids since P was born. It was so much fun we are already planning next summer. AND I may or may not be taking my child back to Disney World for the second time in 6 months. I know, I'm totally nuts!

Summer really did just fly by. But during these two months we have managed to get a lot done. We successfully quit the crib, and transitioned P to a big girl bed. AND we are almost completely PACI FREE!!!!! AHHH! If you know P then you know she was mightily attached to both of those things, but she has done a stellar job so far.

Then there is the potty training. It is still a process with both good days and bad. P definitely knows when she has to go and can hold it, but will sometimes boycott when she is upset or angry. Number 2 in the potty is pretty much a no go as P still struggles badly with constipation.

I threw a baby shower last weekend for one of my Mommy and Me friends who is having her second little girl. It affirmed in me in so many ways how much I love to host parties and showers. I love my friends and love to celebrate the moments in their lives that are so special. I found myself being choked up the whole day (no one noticed, thank god). I don't know what that is all about other than the fact that I am a big ol' softie. I had loads of fun planning and working on the event, and look forward to hosting another one in November for another close friend. Gah--everyone around me is pregnant it seems. I really should get paid to do this. Maybe one day--sigh!

I'll be honest this summer got me thinking a lot about the future and where I want to go. I have always felt really led to be a mom, and since I gave birth to P I have felt that my family was not yet done expanding. But over the last few weeks I find myself struggling internally with the thought of having that second baby and becoming a family of four (sometimes 5). It is such a monumental decision, and it is not one to be made halfheartedly.

When I think about P being the only baby I birth, nurse, and cuddle I feel the lump in the base of my throat start to grow. Like I have said before, when you experience that type of love--you want more. I so want to do all of those tiny baby things again. I REALLY do. I don't fear sleepless nights. or even labor. None of those deter me. What does is toddlerhood--because I AM NOT a toddler person. I don't enjoy toddlerhood as much as I enjoyed the first year. I am being totally honest here. Anyone else out there with me? no? I'm just terrible all by myself out here on the island. OK then.

Don't get me wrong there are so many great things about toddlerhood. P says the craziest things, but her mood swings are unbelievable. I fear that homegirl might torture a baby brother or sister. I'm 100 percent serious about that.

I also fear that I won't be as good the second time. There are so many things I want a do over for--like breastfeeding. But I also worry that I've forgotten how to do all of those baby things. I know I would pick it back up, but part of me dreads having to go back to those things after being away for so long.

Then there is actually being pregnant. I do NOT look forward to that. I had a very easy pregnancy with P, but I worked from home. The next one I would be on my feet all day. That would be killer. I don't know if I could handle the horrible morning sickness while working.

But a decision has to be made one way or the other soon. The jury is still out on this one. I know which way I am leaning right now, though. You'll just have to stay tuned to see what (if anything) happens.

Happy Friday Friends!