Should We or Shouldn't We?

I feel like I have been writing a lot lately, but this blog is taking so many turns down many different roads. I am struggling a little bit with the blog's identity. Which could stand to reason that I am also struggling with my own as well.

For as long as I can remember life has felt like a blur from one big event to the next. I am always looking forward to the next milestone and the next big thing that life has to offer. Now that I am 30--It seems that those major milestones are fewer and far between. I struggle a bit with my path in life.

Don't get me wrong I love my life. I have a great husband who is an excellent partner in life. I have a beautiful little girl. I have a job--all I can say about that one. I have a small group of friends. I have a larger group of mommy friends. I have a million hobbies and interests. I feel like I am in the best shape I have been in in years. Yet--I still seem to be in the midst of uncertainty.

I think in part it is because of this deadline that I have had in my mind. It always comes back to Baby #2. Ever since P was one I have been obsessed with this struggle. Will we or wont we? Should we or shouldn't we? Can we? What if we can't? Do I really want to do this all over again? Maybe I don't want to do this all over again? I definitely don't want to do this all over again! OMG I really want to do this all over again!

I will admit that it probably consumes me in a slightly unhealthy way. I think about it way too much. I worry about it. I dream about it. I think I might have a problem.

I had made up my mind that 5 years is the cutoff. I do not want my children to be more than 5 years apart in age. Now that P is 3, and really almost 3 and a half, that deadline is drawing dangerously close.

What I used to be able to push in the back of my mind and say--"I'll just think about that later. We have plenty of time to debate it. " We really don't have that luxury of time anymore. To be completely transparent--we still go back and forth on the issue a lot.

If you are new to the blog then you know that my husband is less than convinced that our family needs to grow. I am pretty convinced that it should. We have been that way for the last 3 years. But even I find myself wavering over the last month. I see all of his points and he sees all of mine, but it just comes down to good old fashioned difference in opinion. And I mean all the way to the gut. I just want another, and he just doesn't. Simple as that.

When I think about having to go back to work this time (I stayed home with P for 18 months) I wonder if I will be able to mother that way. But mostly I worry about my P. I love her so completely that I agonize over something that will so indefinitely change our relationship. She has been the center of my universe for so long--how will she react to having to share that universe? Will I be able to love the second as completely as I love her? I think I can, but it is scary.

I am feeling the pressure myself, so I know that J is feeling it doubly and I really, and honestly do feel bad about that. BUT have you ever wanted something so badly that you can't imagine your life without it?

That is how I am. I have pretty much convinced myself that I will never be happy if I CHOOSE not to have another child. If I tried and couldn't get pregnant--I think I could live with that. But not trying--I think that is what I will be thinking about on my death bed. I will be sad that my child grew up alone, and that I never got to experience that bond with a second child.

I often use this blog as a way to process feelings, and that is clearly what is happening right now, so just bear with me. I have a recurring nightmare. It is horrible and I don't really want to type it out because I am afraid that it will come true. It is totally irrational, but I think it has something to do with the whole second baby thing.

Let's just say something horrible and tragic happens to P in this nightmare, and I am left childless at an age where having more children is impossible. The horror is too much to even imagine. the loss unbearable. But that is a mother's fear--that we will lose a child. I can't help but think that this is my mind processing these feelings over having another child. It is totally irrational but it is so real.

Am I the only one? Am I crazy? Someone please tell me that I am not. I swear there are moments when P is being horrible that I think that I wouldn't never do this again, but 2 seconds later I am day dreaming about another little pudgy baby with green eyes and brown curls. Lord help me. Lord help my husband!

Someone help me out and tell me I'm normal!

Caroline

Trips with Toddlers

When my daughter was a baby I avoided taking her out for long periods of time. When she was breastfeeding--it just felt like too much of a hassle to take her anywhere. I got real anxiety at the thought of taking her on a long car ride by myself. I would stress over what would happen if she cried, or was hungry. I avoided taking her anywhere overnight until she was 6 months old. AND that trip was so awful that she didn't go anywhere again until 14 months.

As P got older though, the more she craved adventure, and the better traveler she has become. I know that if I have another one--I will need to find that balance of being able to provide structure without making myself crazy. I do believe that a lot of my issues with travel with my daughter were self induced. I just wasn't flexible enough. I was too caught up in her schedule and nap times to have fun.

However, traveling with toddlers can make even the most confident parent fret a bit.  We are taking three vacations this summer, so here are a few tips that I have found to help while on trips with toddlers.

1. Understand going in that bed time will be later
When we go to Virginia every summer, we do a great job getting P to bed on time each night, but when we were at Disney--she was going to bed at all kinds of crazy hours. I used to try to fit our schedule around P's nap and bed times. It is just too much. You will not be able to accomplish what you need if you are tied to a 7:30 bed time. Let it go. I promise that they will go back to their normal bedtime when you return home. Kids are smart enough to understand that there is a difference when you are away from home.

2. Understand that nap time may not happen
At this stage in the game (P is three years old) we are really struggling with nap time anyway. For this reason, I am already mentally preparing myself for the fact that P might not take naps while we are on our vacations this summer. Children (especially toddlers) are creatures of habit, so one little difference could really throw them off. I know that P usually sleeps well at our place in Virginia, because the room is very dark and similar to the environment that she has at home. BUT our cruise for this summer is likely to be a whole different story. I'm not going to worry about it. I know that she will need to sleep later in the mornings to make up for it, and I will try like hell to make sure that that happens.

3. Bring as many comforts from home as possible
Since my daughter is such a product of a strict schedule and environment--I always try to bring as many comforts from home as possible when we travel. This includes all 35 of her stuffed animals (I'm not kidding). If we have room and it can be done, then I bring them. On the list of things that I normally bring on trips with us: her comforter, pillow, stuffed animals, sound machine, monitors, potty seat, and potty stool, and countless of her favorite toys. Obviously if you are going by plane, then it might be different. We will see how P does on the cruise without her potty seat. She will go on public toilets, but protests without it at home and on vacation at times. It should be interesting.

4. Figure out the bed situation
Up until last summer, P slept in her pack n play on vacation, but once we moved her to her toddler bed at home--we knew she was not going to take to that sleeping arrangement on vacation anymore. When we went to Disney last September, I actually bought a toddler cot that she could sleep on. It was adorable, and she slept on it at my parents maybe twice. When we got to our condo at Disney she was so excited to sleep in her own bed in her own room that she actually spent the whole week sleeping in the full sized bed in her room. She didn't want to even look at that cot. This has become a bit of an incentive for P on vacation. Since she sleeps on a smaller toddler bed at home--she looks forward to going on vacation to get to sleep in the "big girl bed." Hey--Whatever works.

5. Bring medicines and other items for emergencies
Now when I say emergencies I don't meal real ones. I mean scrapes, and sniffles. I try to bring any medicine that P has ever needed in her three years. I am a firm believer in Murphy's law (what can go wrong, will go wrong). I like to live in the know. Before A trip I pack the following: eczema lotion, glycerin suppositories (because kids get constipated on vacations), miralax, tylenol, ibuprofen, band aids, benadryl, ear drops, saline spray, boogie wipes, and rubbing alcohol. You just never know when something may be needed.

Preparation truly is key with my little one. I try to keep as much structure in the chaos as possible, and usually she does a great job.

Happy Monday!
Caroline

10 Things I Didn't Know Before I Became A Mom

While I did a ton of research while I was pregnant there were still so many things that I just didn't know before I became a mother. I was terrified that I didn't have the, "mom gene." It sounds cliche, but I truly believe that your instincts do just kick in. After a few weeks I felt pretty confident that no matter what P did, I would be able to deal with it successfully.

Nevertheless, there are still things that I am finding out each year that I didn't know before I became a mom. I catch myself saying, "that would have been nice to know before it happened." If you are about to become a member of the mom club then check out my list. Maybe you are better than me and you already knew a lot of these, or maybe you are like me and you were completely caught off guard.

1. How to swaddle a baby

I seriously had never even heard of swaddling before I started reading about night time sleep for infants while I was pregnant with my daughter. I definitely didn't know how to do it well. It took me several weeks to get it down, and by then she was ready to move on to one of the velcro swaddles. Do yourself a favor and learn this before your baby is born so you can get some practice in. Here is a nice diagram above.

2. If you breastfeed your period may not come back until you stop

I about had a heart attack when I didn't have a period after my daughter was born. Once I stopped the post partum bleeding I expected to have another period in 30 or so days. I didn't have my next period until my daughter was a year old and I was weaning her. My doctor laughed when I called and left a message thinking that I was pregnant again.

3. Newborns can have tylenol, but not ibuprofen.

I bought a bunch of medicines before my daughter was born, and when she started teething at 4 months of age I reached for the ibuprofen, and while reading the dosage I realized that infants cannot have Ibuprofen until 6 months. What??? Seems like that would be something the doctor would be sure to stress at one of those first visits. Tylenol only until 6 months! I never use Tylenol. I don't think that it is very effective, so I just didn't even think about it. Who knew?

4. Brush up on early childhood development

I'm a teacher, but I teach high schoolers. I have essentially no knowledge about what is typical or atypical behavior from babies and toddlers. ZERO. Therefore I was really stressed out that my baby was progressing too slowly. When one of my mommy friend's baby rolled over at two weeks, and mine did not roll over until 5 months--I thought for sure something was wrong. it would have been much better to read official articles on expected windows for milestones like crawling and walking BEFORE I had my daughter. Knowledge is power and it can save a ton of stress.

Now that my daughter is 3, I still find that there is so much that I do not know about her development. When I see her around other kids her age or I talk to her teachers at baby school--I sometimes get fears that her development may be lagging in an area. As a mom, we have a tendency to over react, and I am REALLY bad about that. I tend to take it personally when I shouldn't. It is just so hard not to. I find myself calling my mom (who has an early childhood degree and has taught 3 and 4 year olds for years) a lot with questions relating to P's development. Usually she tells me that I am crazy and that she is right on track. 

Sometimes I wish that there was a parenting class that you could take where they would tell you things to watch out for. I just feel like there is much more awareness now about cognitive and developmental delays, and I just don't feel like I would notice a delay even if it was there staring me in the face. I want to protect my daughter and support her in any way that I can, and these types of things scare the crap out of me.

5. Teething can cause cold like symptoms

When my daughter started teething and was running a low grade fever for a week solid--I rushed her into the doctor thinking surely something was wrong. I had no idea that teething can exhibit all kids of symptoms like congestion, and fevers. Who knew?

6. You are never out of the woods with night time sleep

I used to think that once you got your newborn to sleep through the night that it meant that they were able to consistently sleep through the night. I had no idea that you have to LEARN to fall asleep.  That it is a skill. I had no idea that she would continue to go through sleep regressions (didn't even know there was such a thing), wake up when she was overly tired, or sick. CRAZY.

7. That I would literally have nightmares about tantrums in public

If you missed my post on tantrums from Wednesday, then you can read it here. Toddler tantrums are my number one fear these days. Public toddler tantrums are my very own version of hell on earth. I knew that kids threw tantrums,  but having never remembered throwing one or seeing one myself--I had no idea the level of mortification that they can cause on the parent's part. Am I the only one?

8. Kids use car seats until they are 8 years old or 57 inches tall
I am all about safety, but I just didn't realize that car seats would be a thing in my life for 8 years. I don't remember sitting in one myself past 4, although I can't really trust my memories from that age. In addition I didn't realize that there were so many different stages of car seats. If I had I would have bought the Graco one that grows with them. I probably will if I have another.

9. How truly important a good support system is
I had heard "it takes a village" my whole life when it comes to raising kids. However, you just do not understand the true meaning of that phrase until you actually have children. It is so important for you to be able to take a moment to breathe. You need people on your side. Even if they are just someone to bounce ideas off of. It can make such a difference. I joined a Mommy and Me class when P was 2 weeks old. I still talk to a lot of those mommas. I am so grateful for their friendship.

Family is also so important. I want my child to have influences outside of her parents, and my child has her own little village of fans. It is so important to us and we could not do it without them.

10. There is no limit on love
I used to think that I knew exactly what my capacity for love was. I prided myself in being emotionally intelligent. I thought I loved deeply and fully. When I had P--my whole world changed. I no longer felt like I knew anything about love. She taught me that love means so much more. It exceeds exhaustion, frustration, grief, and anger. I love that little girl more than I love anything else in this world.

I occasionally worry that I would not be able to love another child like I love her. But the other night I was thinking about when I was pregnant with P--how I would worry that I might not love her. Thinking about how I feel about her now only confirms what she has shown me in her short three years of life--my capacity for love is endless when it comes to my children. Whether it was 1 child or 5--my ability to love would multiply with each one. I am certain of it.

I hope you enjoyed this list. I am feeling led to leave you with this quote:

"making the decision to have a child--it is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body"

How very true these words by Elizabeth Stone are.

Happy Friday!
Caroline 

How I deal with Tantrums

First let me preface this by saying that I love being a mother. I really do. It is what I love most in this world. I thank god every day that I was blessed with my daughter...

BUT....That tiny little three-nager has moments that make me question why anyone would ever want to do this thing called motherhood.

P started throwing tantrums at 18 months of age. This correlated with starting baby school which made me feel doubly guilty as a new working mom. However, over the last two years I have figured out some ways to help shorten the length of her tantrums and lengthen the amount of time between tantrums.

I, by all means, am not a psychologist and I am not an expert. I am just a Mom who has one too many times given the knowing nod to a fellow Mom who was tussling with her toddler in the aisles of Publix. I have many times offered a nice comment like, "I've been there girl. Hang in there." I believe that these types of interactions are powerful between moms. I appreciate when I get these types of affirmations myself, so I love to pay it forward.

Let's just get that all out of the way here. You are doing a fantastic job! Don't let your toddler's tantrum define you. It is not your fault. It is just a symptom of the age. It's developmental. Don't listen to those other bloggers and "friends" of yours who claim that their two year old never acts the way that your child does. They are full of it....BIG TIME!

Now on to what I have found that works for my little tantrum thrower!

1. Pick your battles
OMG I hate that I am using this overused phrase, but it is just that true. You have to learn to pick your battles with these little monsters. I would venture to say that I am displeased with 75% of P's behaviors during a day. But if I corrected each and every thing that she did that I didn't like, then that would be my only interaction with her every day. AND it will most certainly end in a frustrated toddler who is primed for a throw down.

Instead I try to focus on a few behaviors each day, and rotate through them. I still hit them all each week. I just focus on one at a time. Yesterday it was the fact that she was refusing to take naps during the day, whining, and nose picking. Today I will pick something else like noise level or paying attention to me when I talk.

Part of the issue is that I spend so little time with her during the week that I really have to be careful about the negativity. Which brings me to number 2.

2. Use positive behavior reinforcement
After a few tantrums we start to figure out what is likely to send our little angel over the edge. The trick is to avoid, avoid, avoid like the plague if you can. BUT there are some things that simply cannot be avoided.

 For the longest time my daughter would throw a tantrum over her clothes in the morning. I had bought all of these really cute shirts and ruffled pants and she HATED them. Every time I tried to put her in the clothes she would throw a tantrum, and we would all end up late to work/school. She has to get dressed, but she doesn't have to wear those clothes. I had to let it go for both of our sanity. However, we occasionally still disagree on what she should wear.

So I figured out that a lot of her friends were wearing skirts with their uniform tops to school and that P wanted to look like them. This is why she was pitching a fit over pants for awhile. So we chit chatted and I told her that if she could get dressed every morning without throwing a fit for four days, then I would let her pick out a dress to wear to school on Friday. On Friday, they get to wear what they want anyway, so I was really giving up nothing, and P felt like she was gaining something. Everyday that she got dressed without crying or whining--I gave her loads of high fives, kisses, and verbal praise. It really works for my kid. All she really wants is for me to be proud of her.

3. Provide choices
Another area that has the tendency to set P off is food. There are certain things she likes and the list is VERY short! Her doctor wants me to be a little stricter on her in this department, by sending her to bed without dinner if she refuses what we are having, but in my house that has never been productive for me. What we end up with is a 3 hour tantrum and a child too wound up to go to sleep. So I had to improvise.

Since J and I normally like to eat dinner a little later (especially now that soccer is in season) P was needing to eat earlier anyway. I started offering her choices for dinner. Since she pretty much won't eat any of the meals that I make--it is not a big deal to me at this point. I let her pick between two options. If she won't choose, then I just make her what I want, and put it in front of her. If she eats it, then fine, and if not, then I don't really stress too much. I have learned that she will not starve. If she is hungry, then she will catch up somewhere. For the most part she will make a choice, and eat what she chose with a smile.

4. Don't be above bribery
I know, I know, all you perfect moms out there are gasping in horror that I am suggesting that bribery is a good parenting tactic. Well, you can all kiss it, because this is the tool that works best for my child. AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!!!

While, I don't want to have to continue to bribe her her whole life--I do think that when used sparingly it is very effective. P's doctor claims that you cannot reason with a child under 5 years old. I firmly disagree with this notion. My daughter is able to asses consequences and rewards of different options and has been able to for a year. If your child cannot yet, then I do not suggest trying to use this method.

My daughter loves stuffed animals, candy, Peppa Pig, Mickey Mouse, Disney Princesses, movies, Disney World, the park, and any kind of trip. She would rather be out and about than at home. I have noticed that if I keep her in all day everyday she will have a meltdown after a few days. She needs to get out even if it is just to run an errand or go to the playground. Since she loves these things--they hold power with her. I have been known to hang a playground trip over her head to get her to take an afternoon nap on the weekends. She will go to sleep without problem. EVERY. TIME. I'm just saying. Find what your child loves, and reward them with it.

5. Validate your child's feelings
Ultimately they are tiny humans with big people emotions. They cannot fully communicate to you the momentous feelings that they are experiencing. They  just don't have the vocabulary yet. Therefore, I find that helping my daughter communicate her frustrations can stop a tantrum that is brewing.

When P is getting upset she will clam up and stop talking. She will revert back to 18 month old P, who just pointed and grunted when she wanted something. I HATE THIS! It drives me nuts. But instructing her in that moment not to whine and "use her words" will almost certainly end in a full on floor slapping, leg twitching tantrum. Don't do it! You can address it later. I promise your child will remember.

Instead I give her the words that she lacks. It sounds like something straight out of a therapist's mouth, but I swear that it works so well for her. Here is how it goes most of the time.

P--Grunts and points in direction of lollipop that I have just said she could not have until after she has eaten her sandwich.
Me--"I understand that you're getting frustrated and angry at me because I told you that you could not have the lollipop. I am not saying that you cannot have it later. I am not trying to make you angry. I just want you to take a few more bites of your lunch. Can you do that for me? Then you can have your lollipop."
P--Whines and then shakes her head yes and picks up sandwich.

Once she completes her end of the deal--I reward her with the lollipop. Later that night I will talk to her about using her words and not pointing when she wants something. When she is calm and in a better mood.

I hope these tips make sense to you, and that you have success with your toddler tornado.

I am also interested in knowing what works for you? I would love to try it out as well.

Caroline

Raising A Princess in Social Media World

"Mommy, I don't want to be smart, I just want to be pretty." -P

When I found out at my 20 week ultrasound that my baby was going to be a girl I was elated. I had secretly been hoping and wishing that I would have a girl. I'm not really sure why, but that is just what I wanted. When it came to fruition--I gasped in delight. Truly, I would have loved a baby boy just as much, but was hoping for a girl. My little P is everything that I had ever dreamed that she would be, and many more things that I didn't even know that I wanted. She truly is everything!

When I was a little girl, I used to dream about my adult life. AND nothing is like what I thought it would be...Except for my daughter. She is exactly the child that I had always pictured. A green eyed, brunette, with wavy hair. She is quite literally my dream girl. I fall more in love with her each and every day.

Over the past month I have started to think about the values and beliefs that I want to convey to my daughter through her childhood. I make a mental note each time she does something that scares me. For example: look both ways before you cross the street, say SHE instead of Her when referring to a friend, don't pick your nose in public (or at all), don't eat your boogers in public. Those are mostly little things. BUT I stress over dropping the ball. I am constantly worried that one of these little golden rules that I managed to grab in my childhood will be lost in hers. Then I wondered, why do I feel this way?

I truly think it is because of many factors, but mostly because of social media and the media in general. Everywhere you turn girls are confronted with social media posts that send them conflicting images of what a woman should be. That wasn't as prevalent when I was young. I am worried that the messages I am trying to send my daughter will get lost in a sea of information on social media.

This feeling started about a month ago on the way home from school one day. I was making chit chat with P on the way home. She had been struggling with tracing her letters at school and I was trying to reassure her. I mentioned that tracing would make her smart. She responded matter-of-factly, "Mommy, I don't want to be smart, I just want to be pretty."

My heart broke into a million pieces for my perfect baby girl who is so so beautiful. I knew that this wasn't something that she was getting from me. It is something that she has taken in from those around her, and from the images she has seen on TV and Movies. That is not what I want my daughter to believe--that you have to be beautiful to succeed.

While I tried to reassure her that she is beautiful and that there are more important things in life than being pretty. She kept repeating the same mantra over and over. I mean--Am I over reacting? I don't think so!

So I have really focused on giving her daily affirmations. I comment on the way she looks, but I make a conscious effort to comment when she does something intelligent. I point out when Belle on Beauty and Beast talks about loving to read. "See Piper, Belle is very smart. She loves to read."

I wasn't sure if it was actually working though. I just want so badly for her to be the strong willed little girl that I know her to be. AND I know that she is. I am terribly afraid that she will be send signals that she needs to cater to those around her, and that she shouldn't speak up for herself and what she feels is right out of fear that it might,"cause a scene."

Then last Friday night I got the sign that my affirmations and talks were having an effect. We went to P's Spring Fling at her school. We were waiting in line for the jumpy slide and a woman tapped me on the shoulder.

She said, "I just wanted to let you know that you are raising one tough girl." I asked her what she had witnessed. She said that she walked into school to pick up her child and had witnessed another child push her child all the way to the ground and then head on a rampage over to my child.

As he started to push Piper down--she shoved him right back exclaiming, "don't you push me down! That's not nice!" She then preceded to tell him to apologize to her and the other little girl that he pushed.

I had to hold back the ugly tears from escaping my eyes, because I was so proud of her. I was always the type of child (and adult now) that let's people walk all over me and bully me because I am afraid to hurt anyone else's feelings. NEVERMIND that they had hurt mine! My daughter stood up for herself and her friend. That is exactly the type of woman that I want her to grow up to be.

I hope that it continues to blossom as she grows and that she doesn't loose that quality.

For those of you with girls, how do you plan to try to combat these messages with your daughters?

Until Friday!
Caroline

Tyme Iron Tutorial and Review

This is the first beauty tutorial I have done on the blog. I am so excited to make this a weekly thing! Disclaimer--I have not been compensated by the Tyme people. All opinions are my own completely!

So let's talk about the Tyme iron. It has been all over Facebook. It was haunting me daily. So I put it on my Christmas list last year, and I got it! It took me a good 3 practicing sessions before I had it down, but now it is the only hair product I ever use on myself. No more curling irons, and no more straightening irons. I just use the Tyme iron and I am set for both waves and straight! How cool is that?

If you are interested in getting a Tyme iron. You can purchase one here.

Here's the thing--we as humans to do not have a long attention span--so a product, no matter how great, that has a learning curve often gets shoved in the back of our cabinets in the bathroom and forgotten! That is why I wanted to do a video tutorial and post here about my experience with the Tyme iron. View my tutorial below if you already have the iron--or if you're just curious, or thinking about purchasing.

And now for my review!

1. Price
The Tyme iron is $189. That is a little bit pricey, but as someone who has bought Chi irons for years, it really is not that much more.  Many curling wand systems are in the same price point. I guess when you consider that the iron is supposed to take the position of both a straightening iron and a curling iron, then it would warrant that higher price. BUT I will admit that I used my Chi iron to curl my hair too, and the results were not much different.

2. Packaging and Quality
the Tyme iron comes in really sturdy and nice packaging. It arrived unharmed and in a timely manner. I have been using this iron consistently for over a year, and it still works just like it did the first day. It is well made.

3. Performance
The Tyme iron makes beautiful smooth curls and can straighten just as good as any other straightening iron I have ever used (and I have curly hair so I have used a lot). It has sucessfully replaced my other irons completely.

My one issue is that you cannot control the heat setting on the iron. It comes in one setting (F******* HOT). So if you are one who worries about heat damage--this might not be the iron for you.

4. Overall
Overall I love this iron. I use it weekly and I even use it on clients. While it does take time to learn how to use, I do think that it has superior performance.

Do you have a Tyme iron? If you don't, then maybe you will consider investing the next time you are in the market for a new tool.

Till Wednesday!
Caroline

Words for My Daughter

Over the last few months I have been slowly piecing together ideas for Piper's new "Big Girl" room in my mind. For the last year she has been sleeping in a toddler bed, but I am well aware that she is ready to graduate to a "forever bed." As silly as that sounds. We are preparing to get her room ready and appropriate for a young lady. Something that will be appropriate for a little girl, but that can grow with her into her teenage years. I can't believe that I just typed those words.

I have picked out some furniture in my mind, and the paint color I want to use. It will be elegant and sophisticated, yet appropriate for this beautiful Princess that it will hold.

During this process I have become obsessed with wood framed art pieces. I know that I want a pretty large piece to go over her new bed. But I couldn't find the right phrase to put on it. I wanted something that would again grow with her into young adulthood.

While scouring Pinterest, I had a hunch to search for quotes from one of my favorite authors, F. Scott Fitzgerald. Anyone that has read The Great Gatsby knows that his work is very romantic and whimsical, yet thought provoking and quite sad at times. While reading through the multitudes of famous quotes from his work, I came across this portion from The Curious Case of Benjamin Button, and I just stopped searching further. As I read it, my eyes welled up with tears. I knew that this was exactly the wish that I had for my daughter's life each day.

These words truly express the type of individual that I want to raise. One that is strong, kind, friendly, caring, and intelligent enough to be true to herself first and foremost. They will be the words that will hang over her sweet head each night as she sleeps. I pray that they will stay inspirational and relevant to her all of her life.

I wanted to take the time to share them with all of you, because this is also the wish that I have for all of my friends and family. May these words ring as true to you as they have for me.

Happy Hump Day,

Caroline

Where Are You Summer?

Life has been so stinkin' crazy around here. I mean, let me be honest, I have been a big slacker in the blogging department lately. It's mostly due to the fact that our lives are so chaotic in the winter months that I feel like I barely have enough time to do my jobs (educator, wife, and mom) much less tell you all about how I am flailing daily. AND I do mean FAILING too. I can't wait for summer to come so that I can have time to relax and catch up on some good quality family time.

My life in January becomes an endless cycle of dropped balls. Add in my husband's soccer, my experience coaching Mock Trial this year, P's two new activities each week, and my mom's recent hip replacement surgery, and I'm just reeling from the stress. There is never enough time to do anything, and yet, when I get time all I want to do is lay like a vegetable on the couch and watch The Bachelor or something equally ridiculous. Please tell me that I am not the only one...Anyone?

Since Piper's Birthday time has just flown by. She is such an amazing little ball of energy. I fall more in love with her each and every day. I am loving how vocal she is lately. She will often compliment me on my outfit or tell me that my hair is pretty. One of her new favorite names for me is sweetie. I'm not sure where that comes from. She is so full of love, and spunk all at the same time.

Her Birthday party was spectacular. It was my best creation yet. Here are some pics of the things I created for it. This is by far my favorite thing to do all year! It is a labor of love, and one way that I choose to show my love to my daughter. I hope she looks back on these pictures one day and is proud of the work that I did for her.

My mom recently had hip replacement surgery, and while I went down for the weekend, I really wasn't of much help. My dad took fabulous care of her, but I won't lie. It is a scary thing to have a parent that is ill. It is a reminder of the fragility of life. One that makes me have nightmares at night.

Photo taken by P herself!

I turned 30 last week, and I didn't meet it with much kindness. I wasn't looking forward to it. We went out to dinner as a family of 3. It was nice and quaint, and just how it should be. I am going to Vegas this summer for my 30th with my besties from High School to celebrate. I cannot wait. Confronting the idea of getting older is something that is new to me, and it is something that brings a ton of fear into my mind. I am not quite where I thought I would be by 30. BUT I am so incredibly lucky to have the life that I lead each day.

I constantly struggle with the what's next in my life. So much of growing up is about getting through these milestone in life. You are always looking forward to what is next. Always thinking, "What do I have to do to get to this next point." Now in my 30s--I am struggling with what is next in my life. I have a career, and a family--So what is next for me. It's the uncertainty that I don't like.

So until then I just pour myself into this little piece of perfection that I created. I try to focus on providing new and great experiences for P. Ballet and Gymnastics. Playdates with friends. Trips to Disney World. Maybe, possibly, hopefully a sibling to grow up with. Teaching manners, and good habits. Trying to curb the temper and hard-headedness that is already grasping her three year old self. Molding, shaping, hoping, and praying that the decisions I make and will make are best for her. I guess that is what is next for me. Still I know, no matter what, that it will never be enough, yet it will also never be too much.

What do you think?

Cheers!
Caroline