Tuesday, January 12, 2016

Raising A Princess

There are times that I feel panic. I get that hitch in my throat and sinking feeling in my stomach. When it comes in my little P--I worry that every little thing I do or say is not the right thing. I worry about ruining her, spoiling her, and molding her into a self-centered little princess. BUT I think that it is natural to have these moments. I think it would say something if I didn't.

Maybe it comes from a lack of confidence in myself as a mom, but I have these moments occasionally. How do I teach her to stand up for herself while also understanding how and when she should be selfless? How do I teach her manners, grace, poise, and yet also encourage her to play wildly, love passionately, dance and sing whenever she wants? How, How, How... That is the million dollar question.

And I think I know the answer that most of you would tell me, "you can't ever be sure." There is no way to guarantee that she will grow up to be all of the these things, but the beauty is that there is also no way to guarantee that she will not be these things. Could the answer be as simple as just loving her, protecting her, and keeping her safe? Doesn't there have to be more than that?

I try to remember how my mom was with me and be like that with my daughter. I'm my mom--version 2.0. New and slightly improved--ya know--for the times. I spend hours working on birthdays. I try to make holidays doubly special. I play tea party. I discipline when I have to. I give up on discipline when I shouldn't. I indulge her sometimes, and stand firm others. I stress manners most of the time, but I still laugh when she burps and farts (I know mom, that is encouraging the behavior). I just can't help it. Despite all of that--I am continually amazed at how wonderful my princess is. 

Lately P has started to say thank you when I hand her things. I always praise her and tell her that she is, "so polite." So then I thought about how she learned that. I never demanded that phrase for her. So how did she learn it? That is when the panic set in, maybe it was daycare that taught her that, and not me. Is that something I need to work on? Am I dropping the manners ball? Is that a thing? But once I calmed down I realized...that I tell her thank you multiple times a day. When she brings me something I say, "thank you, Piper." SO...I am not dropping that ball. She is learning it from me.

She is always watching me, and she is learning and molding herself to be just like me. That is a scary thought. I don't know that I want her to be just like me. I want Piper to be the improved version of me. It definitely makes you think before you let that F bomb slip. 

When I was pregnant--and random people on the street used to offer me parenting advice--because apparently that is appropriate--someone once told me this, "no matter what you do you will never be the best mom, but you will also never be the worst mom." I have taken comfort in those words multiple times. I try not to worry. I try not to stress. I try not to calculate how I should behave so as to instill a certain trait in P. I try just to love her, protect her, play with her, and show her that to me she is perfection. But I fail at that a lot. 

Worrying is what moms do. I will raise my little princess and I will love all of those flaws that she will undoubtedly have. That is what is going to make her special, unique, and beautiful. I've just got to remember that all of the time. 

Happy Tuesday, Y'all

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