Yet another month has come and gone. So many things with P have
changed this past month.
August is a nightmare month in our household as both J and I
start backt o work. The new school year always brings a ton of stress. Couple
that with a baby that just wont eat or sleep anymore and you have a genuine powderkeg
of emotions.
I
have cried more this month than all other months of P’s life combined. Some
tears were happy, some sad, but most were frustrated. Why did no one tell me
that being a mom only gets harder in the first year? I found P A LOT more manageable
when she was a newborn!
I
will be the first to say that this job is the best job in the word, but at the
same time the most challenging. Things are constantly changing. What worked one
day will not work the next. You are constantly adapting your methods to fit
your child’s needs. You questions and second guess how your every action will
shape and form the way that she will be. When she cries because I took her toy
that she just dropped on the nasty floor away, then I hastily wash it and
hand it back because I can’t listen to it anymore—I worry that she will
become a spoiled brat. When I loose me cool and raise my voice begging her to
please be quiet-I worry that that voice will be the one that becomes her inner
voice. One that is impatient and constantly criticizing.
I
am learning to cut myself some slack and be patient with myself as much as I am
with P. It is ok to lose it every once in awhile. It is ok to put her in the
crib where she is safe and walk away because you just need to go put your head
in a pillow and scream. It’s ok to cry in the shower. I don’t know a single mom
that hasn’t done these things. And if you haven’t—I don’t want to know about
it.
It’s
like letting go of the fairytale ideal of motherhood just like you learn to let
go of the idea of prince charming and happily ever after. Things like perfect
marriages that don’t take work and perfect children that never pitch a fit—they are
myths. Striving for perfection and being restless with your life is exhausting.
I struggle with it every day. Constantly Wrestling with that picture in my head and with the
vision from my childhood dreams. I am learning to let go, and to live in the
here and now.
Now—on to the
fun stuff. P has finally started consistently rolling over. She actually was
sitting up independently before she was rolling over. Most babies do not do
that. This tells me that she will do things on her own stubborn time frame. She
may look like her daddy—but she is
all mommy when it comes to her personality. I love this new independence that she has
gained. Now--I dump out her toys in a big pile on the floor and she will go to
town for a whole hour. She just sits there and plays while I work. It has been
awesome for me these few weeks of the
school year.
She
has started to go from a sitting position to falling forward onto her stomach—eventually
I know that she will fall onto all fours and start taking on the world in
crawling motion. Then I will be in trouble. Working will become a challenge and
she will start to spend more time in baby jai, hmm I mean the pack-n-play.
P
has gained an all new love for music. She will smile, laugh, and dance when you
put the wiggles on. It is quite entertaining for J and I as well. I hope that
this love of music continues to grow with her. Maybe she will have a good
singing voice, or want to play an instrument. I would be so proud!
We
have finally kicked the swaddle! THANK GOD! I thought I was going to be
swaddling her until she was five at the rate we were going. But—once the
rolling started happening in the crib. I stopped the swaddling out of fear, and
P’s sleeping habits have not suffered.
Speaking
of sleep, we are doing a little bit better in that department. If you remember,
from months 2-6, P slept through the night. Then—she started waking up
several times a night. Sometimes up to 4 or 5 times. We were really struggling
for about a month and a half. It seems to have leveled out recently. She is
still not sleeping through the night every night, but she is doing it more
consistently. BTW—I consider
6 hours straight sleeping through the night. She usually goes down between 8-9,
Wakes to eat somewhere between 1 and 3, then sleeps until I wake her at 7. I
consider that a success compared to recent weeks.
Solids
foods have gotten a lot better as well. It was like a switch went off and she
suddenly started eating. It took about 4 weeks to really get her in a good
rhythm. She will eat about 4 containers of solids a day. I tried making my own
food—but my
little diva likes Gerber best. She will not eat any straight veggies, and
prefers fruits most. She will, however, eat blends fairly well. Her favorite
foods are Bananas (and any blend with bananas), pears, Pears with Zuchini and
Corn, Peaches, Peaches with apple and Squash, and Peach and pear whole milk
yogurt. I just bought a banana orange blend as well as a spinach raspberry
greek yogurt blend that I have excited about trying.
She
has also had a few finger foods here and there. I am still too scared to really
give her much. She has had tomato, cheese, peas, and green beans. I am going to
amp this up soon.
As
far as milk goes—it is
becoming a daily struggle to get her to drink it. The ounce total just keeps
dropping. I have had to cut pumpings because there is no room for all of the
excess. As a result—I have a
nasty case of mastitis at the moment. It is frustrating to say the least. I
would not be concerned if she were sleeping better and eating more protein and
dairy through solids. ALAS, she would not eat the chicken I have offered.
Overall,
P is a happy baby girl. She is clearly in love with life, and we are in love
with her. I started my Pinterest board for her first birthday yesterday and
felt the pang of sadness. I can’t believe it is time to start thinking about
such things. I am coming to grips with the whole only child thing, but I still
feel sad about it a lot.
Happy
7 Month Birthday baby P! Mommy and Daddy love you more and mostest. The words to express that love are non-existent. We look
forward to the new changes this month will bring us.
Love,
Mommy
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