Monday, May 5, 2014

One Year Ago

This week I am celebrating the day that my life changed forever—I found out I was pregnant. That fact changed my life in so many ways. Since that day one year ago—my life is unrecognizable. Nothing is the same, yet I am exactly where I want to be.

A year ago I was living south of Atlanta. My husband and I were just wrapping up soccer season. He had applied and interviewed for a new position in North Atlanta. We were so excited about the possibilities that this would bring our small family.

I was not even paying attention to the fact that my period was late. I have Polycystic Ovary Syndrome. This means that I do not ovulate often (if at all). This also affects my periods. They were irregular at times. Because of this I had taken several pregnancy tests over the past year, and they were always negative. I had gone off of birth control in January in order for the doctors to run some tests on my hormone levels. The results were not promising and my doctor told me that I had less than a 15% chance of getting pregnant on my own without medical intervention. J and I had talked about plans of when we were going to start taking the drug Clomid to help with the process.

That first Sunday in May, J asked me when I was going to have my period. I realized that I was about a week and half late. I had two pregnancy tests in the bathroom, so I just ran to take one. I was sure that it would be negative. J was too. So much so that he left the room. I called him back about 5 minutes later to show him the double lines telling us that Baby P was on her way.
No matter how much you want a child—seeing that affirmation that one is coming is always a shock. I remember being happy and yet still scared. In fact, I was terrified. There was A LOT going on in our lives at the moment. We had not exactly been planning this—not that we had done anything to prevent it. We went back and forth about whether J should accept this new job. Now that we knew P was on the way—it changed everything. Moving—changing jobs—and having a baby is a lot of changes for one year.
We decided to go ahead with the job change and move. We have gone through a lot because of that choice, but I think it was a good one for P’s future. Now I know that she will grow up in a better area with a much better school system.

Here are some of the ways my life has changed:
1.       I have new Mommy Girlfriends!—this is huge for me. I have not been known for getting along with other girls, so I am cherishing these new friendships.
2.       I care much less about my appearance—I used to spend two hours getting ready to go somewhere. Now—the thought of that old routine makes me need a nap. I am a lot more comfortable in my skin.
3.       There is no modesty in my world anymore. When you have a baby—modesty is just a memory. Hey—I never get to be alone anymore—my daughter is always with me. If I am using the restroom, then she is probably on the floor right there in front of me or strapped to me in her baby carrier.
4.       TV who? –I have always been a TV watcher. You name the reality show and I probably have it on my DVR. However, this is something that I have lost after P. When it takes you a whole week to get through one episode of the RHOC, then it is time to hang it up. Do I miss it—yeah, but I would rather sleep!
5.       I have a new appreciation for family and for my parents specifically.—My mom had me with no drugs, and during my labor I kept looking and her and asking her how she did it. She is one strong woman! In addition, she was alone with me a lot as my dad worked out of town. I appreciate her so much more now that I am a mother. I need and want my husband there daily. It would be ten times harder without him. So, thanks Mom!
6.       I have become a hypochondriac—but not with me—with P. Every sound is analyzed. I inspect each diaper looking for the evidence of illness. It is sick, really. I am just so afraid of anything happening to her.
7.       I don’t shop anymore—at least not for me. I used to browse the websites of my favorite stores daily, but now I find myself wanting to spend that money on P. I am all about P. I think that is just as it should be.

There are many more ways that my life has changed, but those above are some of my personal favorites. Sure I don’t sleep as much, or hang out with J alone as much. But these things are givens. Ultimately, the biggest change in my life is that I now have this little human being to care for. She is frustrating and disgusting one moment, yet all I need is one smile and I am melting inside again. It’s cliché, but it is true. You just love them so much it hurts. 

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