Tips for dealing with a strong willed child

As previously mentioned--I am a strong believer in the idea that you get back what you gave your parents. As a child, I was definitely strong willed. My father worked out of town during the week, so it was just me and mom a lot of the time. As sad as it is to say--I know that I got away with a lot because she was just too tired to fight with me. Now that I am a mom, I feel her pain from way back then. I still don't know how she did it.

This time of year in our household is crazy. My husband is a soccer coach and he coaches two teams. This means that he is not home very much during the week. It is pretty much just me and P most nights. My husband is definitely more of the disciplinarian in our home, so I can see that P definitely tries to push the envelope more with me. She's a smart girl that understands the strategy of divide and conquer.

In general the kid is just strong willed. She knows what she wants and she will not back down. Here are a few things that I have found that help with her. My hope is that they might work with your child as well. By all means, though, we are still working. It is a process.

1. Know when to negotiate, but be careful
A long time ago I wrote a post on dealing with tantrums. In that post I talked about how I use positive reinforcement (aka bribery) with my child. To this day that is one of my most read posts. You can check it out here. While I still believe in positive reinforcement--I do think that it can be a slippery slope as your child gets older. You want to find a balance on using rewards for good behavior without it becoming the only way you can get said good behaviors. Once this starts to happen--it really isn't good for parent or child. It's time to use some fresh tactics.

We often negotiate with our daughter over small things like screen time (one more minute) or number of bites she has to eat of peas--but not over more important things like baths or bedtimes. I think that drawing that line in the sand also sends a message to your child about priorities.

2. Pick your battles
This is in almost every parenting post that I write. Every. Single. One. I cannot stress enough how much I believe in this. There are just some days, and just some times where the fight is not worth it. I believe in readdressing that behavior later. For instance--I will always try to diffuse situations in the morning because we simply do not have time to fight it out. I would much rather address that issue on a weekend morning where the message is still clear, but we are not all late for work! Bottom line is that you know your kid, and you know their breaking point. You want to walk that fine line of addressing the issues without demoralizing them completely for the day.

My favorite tactic for this is to address the same few behaviors at a time. This weekend we were working on defiance. Every time she told us no--we addressed it. That was our focus. While we certainly addressed other behaviors here and there. We were more willing to let a few slide to prevent our daughter from reaching the point of total frustration. More than a few times at least.

3. Choose a punishment and stick to it
This can be hard for many parenting teams. Different parents have different punishments that they like. Whether you believe in spanking or not--find a strategy that you can both get behind and use it consistently. In our house we are really trying to focus on time out. I have noticed that it does make a difference. The key is to be consistent.

4. Use negative reinforcement
A lot of parents don't like negative reinforcement, but for a particularly strong willed child like my own--I do think that it is necessary. My daughter is currently going through an overly emotional phase. Any time that we tell her no, or she thinks that we have raised our voices at her (what she considers yelling is not yelling to me), she will cry. This is not acceptable behavior. She needs to be able to deal with redirection.

Once we have done time out several times and cycled through our other tactics--the negative reinforcement is the last strategy I reach for. The key with this strategy is to use what your child likes the most. My kid loves stuffed animals. She sleeps with about 30 of them--seriously! So last night when she cried when I asked her to pick up her socks, I took all of her animals and threw them in the hallway. She was forced to sleep the whole night without them. May sound mean, but it is SOOOO effective!

5. Keep the lines of communication consistent
The key to any good strategy with behavior is to communicate the reasons for the punishment to your child. You want to do so calmly and clearly. This is best done after they are calm. My preferred method of delivery is at the end of time out right before you release them to play again. This is usually after they have calmed down, yet they are eager to listen because they want to go play.

You want to keep your voice calm, yet firm. I also like to use the same wording each time. My speech usually starts something like this:

"Piper, do you understand why you were sent to time out?"
"Why was that not a good choice?"
"What do you need to do in the future?"

At the end I always make sure to tell her that I love her, and I only want to keep her safe. We then end the discussion with hugs and kisses. It is the same every time, and I believe that this consistency is key.

6. Make sure you address when they are doing things well
This is the tactic that I struggle with the most. As parents, I feel that it is easy to get caught up in the negative, and so hard to focus on all of the things that our children are doing right every day. AND that is really sad! This is something that I am trying to work on. Ultimately, at 4 years old, my daughter does want me to be proud of her, and I know that this can be a big tool that I can use to help reinforce good behavior in the future. It's as simple as complimenting her use of manners when saying. "excuse me." I am making that my goal for this week!

How do you deal with your strong willed child? Tell me in the comments!

Tips for Dealing with Picky Eaters

Growing up I was a self proclaimed picky eater. I didn't like very much, and didn't try new things often...if ever. Because of my pickiness I knew that I would have a picky child. I am big believer in the idea that you get back what you give your parents. AND...my daughter is SUPER picky.

Here's a quick list of what my daughter will eat:
loaf bread
peanut butter
french fries
strawberries
bananas
yogurt
apples and applesauce
water melon
grapes
cheese
cream cheese
plain bagels
spaghetti noodles with butter or plain marinara sauce
kraft style macaroni and cheese
popcorn shrimp
Chick-fil-a chicken nuggets (she doesn't like them very much. I have to force her to eat them!)
corn
english peas

that is it. Really. I swear. It's not very much at all, and it can really get me worried on a daily basis. I mean, what child doesn't like Chick-fil-A? It's almost sacrilegious in my neck of the woods. The even sadder part is that it has really gotten a whole lot better since I have implemented a few new tools into our lives over the last 6 months. Want to hear what has helped my picky eater?

1. Stop avoiding the problem!
For the longest time--I just avoided the issue by making her food that I knew she would eat. This meant that I was cooking her a separate meal every meal from the rest of the family. This is just not practical. This also meant that I was packing her lunches and dinners when we ate out--that is even more impractical, not to mention embarrassing!

After consulting my daughter's doctor we decided that something had to change! We stopped the avoidance immediately and prepared for all out war--and it was NOT easy! She put up a good fight, but I had some other tricks up my sleeve. Ultimately, I realized that I was exhausting myself, and I was doing my child a major injustice at the same time.

2. Provide incentives
This is one of the best tools that I have found to work with my picky eater. I recommend that you use what your child does like and make it into a reward for eating the other items on the plate. This could be a dessert, piece of candy, jello, or fruit. Whatever your picky eater likes--use it as a reward for eating those things that they do not like. My daughter has a major sweet tooth, and she loves cookies. I will put Oreos on her plate, but she has to eat all the other items on her plate before she can eat the Oreos.

3. Choices
I have noticed that my daughter is more likely to eat something when she has chosen it. When I am picking out what to make for dinner I will let her make decisions. It's something as simple as green beans or carrots? She is less likely to throw down with me if she makes the choice. Obviously you want the choices to be equally healthy or disliked for this tip to be effective.

4. Get peer help
My daughter would never eat pizza until Halloween when we went over to her bestie's house, and that is what they provided for dinner. Since her friend was eating it--she was excited to do the same. Ever since she has done much better with Pizza!

5. The bite technique
One technique that is an oldie but a goodie is the bite trick. For the things that my daughter really dislikes I give her a small number of bites that she has to eat of that food before she can have her dessert or treat. Usually I try to go for her age. Since she is 4--she has to eat 4 bites of carrots or green beans or spinach before she can have her cookie. This is the same method my mom used to use with me. It works so well!

6. Sneak them in
When all else fails a good way to sneak in unwanted fruits or vegetables is to sneak them in to a "milkshake" or smoothie. My daughter loves her "milkshakes" You can totally throw some spinach in with a banana and strawberries to give them some extra veggies!

Another product that I swear by is Juice Plus. These are fruit and veggie juice gummies that are whole food nutrition. My daughter thinks they are candy and she loves them! They really make me feel better at the end of the day. If all else fails I know that she has gotten the bare minimum that she needs with these gummies. You can check them out here. They are so good that I take them too! They are sold my independent distributors, so if you are interested contact me and I can give you the hook up!

I hope these tips and tricks help another mother out there who struggles with a picky eater! In solidarity, sisters!

How to speed up your morning when you have kids

When I first started working 10 years ago--I was meticulous about being early for work each and every day so that I would have time to get get myself prepared. I am one of those people that just needs my time when I first get to work to read emails and prepare for the tasks at hand that day. THEN I had my daughter--and there was a definite learning curve.

Now that she is a big kid, there are days when her moods can really slow the process down in the morning. There are times when she just doesn't want to get out of bed, doesn't like what she is wearing, doesn't want to brush her hair etc. But I still have to get to work. What is a mom to do?

There are a few things that I have found that help keep us all on time in the morning.

1. Shower at night.

I know that a lot of people hate showering at night,but it is a great way to save time the morning. I like to shower at night and dry my hair a little bit before bed. Then when I wake up I can run the curling wand over my hair and it is good to go.

Obviously bathing my child at night is the only option I will even consider at this point. We would have to get up at 4:30 in the morning to fit in a bath for her.

2. Lay out everyone's outfits the night before.

This one step is an easy one to forget, but it really does save me a bunch of time and I am trying to become a lot more consistent with it. When I lay my clothes out the night before I am able to save myself so much time in the morning thinking about what I am going to wear. It also gives me the chance to iron anything that needs ironing.

For my daughter I usually lay out two options. Since she wears a uniform top--all I do is lay out to pants options. This helps to avoid fits over what she is going to wear. She feels like it is her choice, and we all win.

I would also suggest laying all parts of the outfit out including shoes and jewelry for a one stop shop.

3. Make lunches the night before and possibly even on the weekends.

This is usually something that my husband takes care of. He makes salads for every day of the week on Sunday night and I just pick them up in the morning to bring with me to work. My daughter's lunch is included at school (for now) so that is not a problem, but in 2 more years--We will probably make her lunch each night before bed as well.

4. Pack book bags/work bags the night before

Before going to bed I make sure that my laptop and other school items are already in my bag, and that my daughter's book-bag is prepped and ready for the next school day. This is imperative to make sure that things do not get forgotten--that can really put you behind.

5. Pick your battles

There are going to be those days when my daughter fights waking up or doesn't like either of the choices for outfits, and you just have to decided which battles to pick sometimes I just let her pick a pair of pants in those cases...even if they don't match. I mean, who really cares?

6. Divide and conquer.

My husband and I tag team the operations in the morning when we are both available. There are times when he is out of town and I have to do it myself, but it is rare. He get's P dressed most days while I finish up my makeup and hair. I then am responsible for her hair, brushing her teeth, and making sure she uses the bathroom before we leave. I think that it is key to be a team. When you specialize in just a few jobs everyone gets out earlier!

What you are noticing from this list is that it makes for a much later night for you, but I would rather go to bed a little later and sleep in awhile longer.

What are your hacks for morning time in your household?

Friday Favorites--My Favorite Post About Infant Sleep and Scheduling

When my little P was an infant--I became the master Babywise type mom. I totally believed wholeheartedly in scheduling you baby's day. I believe that P was a much happier baby because she was thoroughly rested. I also believe that she learned how to fall asleep. Even though, this may seem like an easy skill--it's not necessarily that way. I had the hardest time falling asleep well into adulthood. My child doesn't have any issues with sleep, and I believe it stems from the techniques I used in her first year of life.

One of my posts about scheduling is my most pinned post from Pinterest. That is why I have decided to write this post. I can totally understand why people are drawn to my post--all new moms are desperately searching for anything to help them sleep more!

Below I have linked my favorite posts on sleep training and sample schedules that I used for my daughter.

I would love to hear about your sweet babies and what you have found to work for them. My husband and I are currently considering and planning for Baby #2 and I need to re-learn all over again!

1. How To Get Your Newborn On A Schedule

This post is a general tips and tricks post on how to start out. It includes the basics of how to start as well as addresses some FAQs.

2. Why I Did Cry It Out

This post is on one of the most controversial parts of sleep training and scheduling--cry it out. I try to talk about it in a humorous way. I know that lots of parents have a hard time with this, but I swear that it works. I include some tips and tricks in this one as well.

3. Sample Schedule Posts

Below I have linked my daughter's sample schedules for her first two transitions. These should help you moms out there that like to be prepared for the future.

Weeks 7-10

Weeks 10-15

4. Introduction of Solid Foods With Scheduling

When I introduced solids her schedule seemed it change a bit. It definitely make life a little bit more difficult.

5. Schedule from 6-9 Months

After starting solids my daughter's schedule held steady for a long time. This was the longest stretch that she went without changing it up from time to time. She became pretty predictable and oh-so-happy!

I hope you enjoy these posts!
Caroline

How I Put Together A Girly Paw Patrol Birthday Party

Disclaimer: I was not compensated by any of these shops. All opinions are my own entirely.

My daughter is obsessed with Paw Patrol. Therefore, there was little question as to what theme her 4th birthday party would be. I love planning her birthday parties. I take great pride in how they turn out. It's a definitely labor of love, but I won't pretend that I don't enjoy every minute of it.

I made a good deal of the decorations for her birthday party using my Cricut Explore (you can buy yourself one here.) I would also like to include a shout out to all of the other vendors that helped make this party PAW-tastic!

Planning a Paw Patrol party of your own? Then, you are in the right place. I would love to hear your ideas as well, who knows, I might be able to use them for her next party!

Birthday Banner

I have made birthday banners for my daughter's last 3 birthday parties, and the one I made this year is my favorite by far. It was very intricate and time consuming, but that made it more rewarding to hang up in the end.

As mentioned above, I use my Cricut Explore for all my paper projects. I get most of my cut files off of Etsy. I LOVE ETSY! Like--I really love it. If you are looking for cute Paw Patrol cut files simply search Paw Patrol SVG files on etsy and you will have all that you ever dreamed you could find.

I got the Paw Patrol font here.

I got the "pup tag" shape for the banner here.

I got the paw patrol faces here.

The faces are the most challenging to create. There are layers upon layers of paper. I took the files above and actually merged a ton of the layers...and it was still quite a process to assemble them. Imagine a tiny jigsaw puzzle. That is what it was like--but in the end it looks so good and you just can't buy anything like this without breaking the bank. To tie it all together I just used a roll of jute and a hole puncher. Simple as that. I think the jute makes it look a little vintage.

If you would like for me to do a tutorial on how to use the Cricut Explore to create images like above, then leave me some comments.

Centerpieces

These centerpieces were made from the same pup faces and pup tag files linked above. I secured them to dowels with a hot glue gun and placed them in painted mason jars filled with craft paper shreds. The end result is too cute for words. The little chalkboards were placed randomly on the mason jars as well.

Entertainment

When kids first entered the party they were directed to make their own pup tag. I took the same pup tag cut file from above and cut several on white cardstock. I punched two holes at the top and created a necklace with jute. The kids colored their own "pup tags" and wore them around their necks for the rest of the party. BUT I did not get a good picture of them--drat! BUT in the picture above, my daughter is wearing her creation!

I also printed Paw Patrol coloring sheets from this site. and had them on the tables with crayons for kids to color before/after/during cake.

What really made the party entertaining was the fact that we hired a performer to dress up as Skye and Chase. The performer made balloon animals and did face painting. It was a hit! I highly recommend it.

Cake

All of my daughter's birthday cakes were made by Shakeata. She is my mother's friend, and she outdoes herself each a every year. I highly recommend her. She is in the Atlanta area. You can contact her here.

Food Labels 

I made the food labels using Picmonkey. I love this site! On Picmonkey you can create your own printables in your own colors. My daughter wanted a girl birthday party, but she loves Chase. With Picmonkey I was able to make my own invitations in girly colors and with a girly style. I was unable to find anything at a store that would work. The dog bowls was an idea I got on Pinterest. I found these bowls on Amazon!

For the Paw Patrol images I searched google images for Paw Patrol transparent background. I found the ones that I liked, and saved them to my computer. Then you can just upload them as your own overlay in Picmonkey and voila!

Birthday Outfit

The adorable birthday outfit I found on Etsy. You can visit the shop here. They did such a great job, and I thought my girl looked so cute. Everyone at the party commented on her outfit and bow! It was a hit--even if she didn't like it!

There you have it! I enjoyed creating this party almost as much as my little P did. Are you planning a little one's birthday party in the near future? I would love to see what you come up with! If you would be interested in an in depth tutorial on how anything was made, then say so in the comments!

Caroline

Happy 4th Birthday P!

1/13/18

Dear Piper,

Every year I write you a letter on your birthday, and each year I am shocked with how quickly the time escapes me. It seems like I have just celebrated your 3rd birthday, and you are FOUR today. Four perfectly amazing years with you in our lives. They went by so fast.

Your fourth year hasn't seemed like a big year of physical changes. When I look back at pictures from last January, you look essentially the same. However, you are a much taller and leaner version of your three year old self. Your eyes look like they are still in the process of turning brown, but the green is hanging on for now. Your hair is long, thick, and wavy--you get so many compliments on it from strangers. And that smile could break any heart...or every single one.

This year has been a year of intellectual leaps for you. You have really grown your vocabulary. Every week you will surprise me with a new word or phrase--each one making you sound more grown up than the next. I can't help but laugh at those little sayings that you still get wrong. Like one of your best friends, Hadley--you say "hab-ley." These phrases are more few and far between these days. You are no longer a baby with baby talk. Instead, you frequently tell whole stories that make total sense. I both love and hate that! You are dramatic, animated, and talk with your hands. You are such a little woman. I am not ready to see you that way.

We traveled a lot over the last 12 months. You took two cruises, and visited Disney World for the 3rd time. You rode in an airplane for the first time. You are so brave, and are still my favorite little traveler. You played in the ocean, and rode the Tower of Terror too. Whenever I doubt that you can do something, you always prove me wrong. You love adventure and thrills whether it is water slides, roller coasters, or rides. You learned to swim this year with minimum struggle, but you are very cautious in the water!

You are still a really picky eater, but we do feel that we have made some progress in the last year. Your favorite meal is still Cheerios (you used to call them Chee-dots, sigh) and milk. Your daddy says you're just like Jerry Seinfeld. You love spaghetti, but have recently chosen to forego the meat sauce, choosing plain buttered noodles instead. Your a bread and dairy lover. You will eat a lot of fruits, but essentially no veggies. We are working on that.

Over the last few months you have fallen in love with PJ Masks and Paw Patrol. You love to watch the shows and even just watch people play with toys on You Tube. Daddy and I don't understand that last one much, but it's your thing. Anything with these characters on it is a hit for you. That is why your birthday party next weekend is Paw Patrol themed. You will play for hours with the figurines and dolls--making up your own scenarios and dialogue. I am amazed at how active your imagination is at your age.

While you love these super hero toys, you are also really girly. You love when I paint your nails and let you wear makeup. You even got your own make up for Christmas. One morning before school we had to make a detour to the playroom for you to put on your makeup. So cute! You also love to dress up in Princess dresses, crowns, and shoes, and play around. Usually you will be happy to do your rendition of "Let it Go" for anyone who asks.

You love to learn, and therefore love your school. this is your third full year at Camden Academy. Your teacher is Ms. Megan. She has taught you so much...like letter sounds and how to count to 100. You are always excited to go to school and see your friends. You are interested in learning and love to come home and share what letter sound you did today. I hope you keep this quality always.

Each holiday season with you gets better and better. Even though we were all fighting a cold this Christmas break--we still made the best of our time. I love to see the holidays through your eyes. It brings a whole new meaning to this time of year. This Christmas you finally got into some of our favorite Christmas movies like Home Alone 1 and 2 and the Santa Clause. I am actually really sick on Home Alone at the moment with as much as you wanted to watch it.

So there you go baby girl. You are the apples to my applesauce. The sunshine to my cloudy day. You make me so mad I could spit, and yet make me laugh till I pee my pants a little. Your hugs and kisses are therapeutic, and I have been practicing saving the sound of your Love You Mommy's at each age. I know one day you won't say it so freely and I'll need those memories. I say it every year, but I am so lucky to be your Mommy. I am so proud of you each and every day. You are my greatest adventure.

"Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than You.” 
― Dr. Seuss, Happy Birthday to You!

Love,
Mommy

Should We or Shouldn't We?

I feel like I have been writing a lot lately, but this blog is taking so many turns down many different roads. I am struggling a little bit with the blog's identity. Which could stand to reason that I am also struggling with my own as well.

For as long as I can remember life has felt like a blur from one big event to the next. I am always looking forward to the next milestone and the next big thing that life has to offer. Now that I am 30--It seems that those major milestones are fewer and far between. I struggle a bit with my path in life.

Don't get me wrong I love my life. I have a great husband who is an excellent partner in life. I have a beautiful little girl. I have a job--all I can say about that one. I have a small group of friends. I have a larger group of mommy friends. I have a million hobbies and interests. I feel like I am in the best shape I have been in in years. Yet--I still seem to be in the midst of uncertainty.

I think in part it is because of this deadline that I have had in my mind. It always comes back to Baby #2. Ever since P was one I have been obsessed with this struggle. Will we or wont we? Should we or shouldn't we? Can we? What if we can't? Do I really want to do this all over again? Maybe I don't want to do this all over again? I definitely don't want to do this all over again! OMG I really want to do this all over again!

I will admit that it probably consumes me in a slightly unhealthy way. I think about it way too much. I worry about it. I dream about it. I think I might have a problem.

I had made up my mind that 5 years is the cutoff. I do not want my children to be more than 5 years apart in age. Now that P is 3, and really almost 3 and a half, that deadline is drawing dangerously close.

What I used to be able to push in the back of my mind and say--"I'll just think about that later. We have plenty of time to debate it. " We really don't have that luxury of time anymore. To be completely transparent--we still go back and forth on the issue a lot.

If you are new to the blog then you know that my husband is less than convinced that our family needs to grow. I am pretty convinced that it should. We have been that way for the last 3 years. But even I find myself wavering over the last month. I see all of his points and he sees all of mine, but it just comes down to good old fashioned difference in opinion. And I mean all the way to the gut. I just want another, and he just doesn't. Simple as that.

When I think about having to go back to work this time (I stayed home with P for 18 months) I wonder if I will be able to mother that way. But mostly I worry about my P. I love her so completely that I agonize over something that will so indefinitely change our relationship. She has been the center of my universe for so long--how will she react to having to share that universe? Will I be able to love the second as completely as I love her? I think I can, but it is scary.

I am feeling the pressure myself, so I know that J is feeling it doubly and I really, and honestly do feel bad about that. BUT have you ever wanted something so badly that you can't imagine your life without it?

That is how I am. I have pretty much convinced myself that I will never be happy if I CHOOSE not to have another child. If I tried and couldn't get pregnant--I think I could live with that. But not trying--I think that is what I will be thinking about on my death bed. I will be sad that my child grew up alone, and that I never got to experience that bond with a second child.

I often use this blog as a way to process feelings, and that is clearly what is happening right now, so just bear with me. I have a recurring nightmare. It is horrible and I don't really want to type it out because I am afraid that it will come true. It is totally irrational, but I think it has something to do with the whole second baby thing.

Let's just say something horrible and tragic happens to P in this nightmare, and I am left childless at an age where having more children is impossible. The horror is too much to even imagine. the loss unbearable. But that is a mother's fear--that we will lose a child. I can't help but think that this is my mind processing these feelings over having another child. It is totally irrational but it is so real.

Am I the only one? Am I crazy? Someone please tell me that I am not. I swear there are moments when P is being horrible that I think that I wouldn't never do this again, but 2 seconds later I am day dreaming about another little pudgy baby with green eyes and brown curls. Lord help me. Lord help my husband!

Someone help me out and tell me I'm normal!

Caroline