Our Interfaith Family: How we respect both sides

Hey Y'all! Happy Passover AND Happy Easter!

This past weekend it was one of those rare times where both faiths were celebrating major holidays in the same weekend. It can be a  logistical nightmare, and it can be confusing for the kiddos. So I thought I would tell all of you how we manage it in our house, just in case you have a similar situation.

It can be difficult in any relationship when your backgrounds or cultures are different--much less when you throw in different religious backgrounds as well. My husband and I walk a very cautious line around the holiday seasons of trying to honor both families, backgrounds, and cultures. It has been a learning process over our last 6 years together.

My husband's family is originally from New York, and they are Jewish. My family has been in the South since the late 1700's and we are Baptist. For the most part, I feel that we do a good job of trying to incorporate both families and their religious beliefs to the best of our abilities. BUT I will admit that our daughter, does seem to have some confusion when it comes to the two different religions. At four years old--she doesn't see the separation. She just thinks that it is all a part of one religion. I am not so sure that this is a bad thing, either. I assume at one point that she will pick it apart and realize that there are two very different, yet equally wonderful set of traditions that she is lucky enough to be a part of.

When my husband and I were planning our wedding--this was the first time that I remember feeling that the differences between or two families were a bit overwhelming. When we first starting dating, the differences seemed really small, and nothing to worry about for the future. However, when I realized that having a minister preside over our wedding ceremony would be offensive to my husband's family--it was a bit hard to wrap my head around. While I understood it--it didn't match with the picture of my wedding that I had in my head from when I was a little girl.

My husband, and I ultimately decided to keep religion out of our wedding almost entirely. There were a few small exceptions--the breaking of a glass during the ceremony and the use of Jesu Joy as I walked down the aisle. Other than that we left it completely neutral. We felt that the use of any more religious matters would be seen as too "jewish" or too "christian" by the opposite families respectively. This was the only way that we knew to accommodate everybody--we essentially accommodated nobody. I still stand by that decision and feel that it was the best way for us.

Now that we have a child together--that line once again often gets blurry. It can be hard to avoid the clashing of different holidays, and often one side is forced to compromise. It's a work in progress, and probably always will be. Ultimately, I feel that it comes down to a relationship of cooperation. Both my husband and I are more than willing to incorporate parts of each religious teaching in the raising of our daughter. It's a credit to our communication from the very beginning of our parenting relationship.

In many ways I feel that our daughter is lucky for getting to experience and learn a little about each religion. Ultimately, I feel that her religious knowledge will surpass many of her friends because she will  be exposed consistently to both.

Here is the hard part, though. In order to truly respect each side--we have chosen to raise our daughter in the same way that we chose to run our wedding--sans religion. I know that this would be impossible for some couples. BUT for us--it really seemed to be the only option. In order to respect both of our backgrounds--we do not subscribe or define ourselves by EITHER religion. We celebrate the holidays of both religions. Passover and Easter, Hanukkah and Christmas. We celebrate them both, and we don't explain that there is a difference. We feel that the failure to give a distinction, prevents our perspective biases from coming through on our daughter.

It is a natural inclination for a parent to want to introduce religious teachings to their children, and it is something that happens in our home from time to time. My daughter recites the Jewish prayers at Hanukkah and she goes to church on Easter every year. But it stops there. We do not go in depth. There is no real religious education beyond surface level.

When we were engaged we talked candidly about religion and how we were going to raise our children. This is a MUST for any interfaith family. We knew we had to have an understanding from the very beginning, and that is what we have. The decision was made it let our children choose. So we present both sides at a surface level. Both parents participate in the other parent's religious holidays. The number one rule is that you do not delve into religious philosophy.

For example, my daughter has heard the name Jesus. She has been to church on Easter, but I don't talk about him at home. I have never told her the story of Jesus's birth, or of his life, or of his death. Whatever she learns in the one time that she goes to church each year--she learns. BUT I am not going to teach those things in the home. If one day she comes to me and tells me that she wants to go to church more and she wants to learn more--then we will approach that as a family. However, in order to respect both side--neither side promotes their perspective religion.

The same goes for my husband. I would have no problem if my daughter went to synagogue with my husband or his family. I don't have a problem with her participating in ceremonies or saying Jewish prayers. BUT we are not going to delve further until/unless she comes to us one day and wants to learn more. When holiday's overlap like they did this weekend--we do both to the best of our abilities.

In the end, it all comes down to a level of mutual respect. We respect each other's backgrounds and family's beliefs. We would each be fine if our child chose either religion, or none at all. To us it would make no difference.

How do you handle different backgrounds or religions in your family?

Tips for dealing with a strong willed child

As previously mentioned--I am a strong believer in the idea that you get back what you gave your parents. As a child, I was definitely strong willed. My father worked out of town during the week, so it was just me and mom a lot of the time. As sad as it is to say--I know that I got away with a lot because she was just too tired to fight with me. Now that I am a mom, I feel her pain from way back then. I still don't know how she did it.

This time of year in our household is crazy. My husband is a soccer coach and he coaches two teams. This means that he is not home very much during the week. It is pretty much just me and P most nights. My husband is definitely more of the disciplinarian in our home, so I can see that P definitely tries to push the envelope more with me. She's a smart girl that understands the strategy of divide and conquer.

In general the kid is just strong willed. She knows what she wants and she will not back down. Here are a few things that I have found that help with her. My hope is that they might work with your child as well. By all means, though, we are still working. It is a process.

1. Know when to negotiate, but be careful
A long time ago I wrote a post on dealing with tantrums. In that post I talked about how I use positive reinforcement (aka bribery) with my child. To this day that is one of my most read posts. You can check it out here. While I still believe in positive reinforcement--I do think that it can be a slippery slope as your child gets older. You want to find a balance on using rewards for good behavior without it becoming the only way you can get said good behaviors. Once this starts to happen--it really isn't good for parent or child. It's time to use some fresh tactics.

We often negotiate with our daughter over small things like screen time (one more minute) or number of bites she has to eat of peas--but not over more important things like baths or bedtimes. I think that drawing that line in the sand also sends a message to your child about priorities.

2. Pick your battles
This is in almost every parenting post that I write. Every. Single. One. I cannot stress enough how much I believe in this. There are just some days, and just some times where the fight is not worth it. I believe in readdressing that behavior later. For instance--I will always try to diffuse situations in the morning because we simply do not have time to fight it out. I would much rather address that issue on a weekend morning where the message is still clear, but we are not all late for work! Bottom line is that you know your kid, and you know their breaking point. You want to walk that fine line of addressing the issues without demoralizing them completely for the day.

My favorite tactic for this is to address the same few behaviors at a time. This weekend we were working on defiance. Every time she told us no--we addressed it. That was our focus. While we certainly addressed other behaviors here and there. We were more willing to let a few slide to prevent our daughter from reaching the point of total frustration. More than a few times at least.

3. Choose a punishment and stick to it
This can be hard for many parenting teams. Different parents have different punishments that they like. Whether you believe in spanking or not--find a strategy that you can both get behind and use it consistently. In our house we are really trying to focus on time out. I have noticed that it does make a difference. The key is to be consistent.

4. Use negative reinforcement
A lot of parents don't like negative reinforcement, but for a particularly strong willed child like my own--I do think that it is necessary. My daughter is currently going through an overly emotional phase. Any time that we tell her no, or she thinks that we have raised our voices at her (what she considers yelling is not yelling to me), she will cry. This is not acceptable behavior. She needs to be able to deal with redirection.

Once we have done time out several times and cycled through our other tactics--the negative reinforcement is the last strategy I reach for. The key with this strategy is to use what your child likes the most. My kid loves stuffed animals. She sleeps with about 30 of them--seriously! So last night when she cried when I asked her to pick up her socks, I took all of her animals and threw them in the hallway. She was forced to sleep the whole night without them. May sound mean, but it is SOOOO effective!

5. Keep the lines of communication consistent
The key to any good strategy with behavior is to communicate the reasons for the punishment to your child. You want to do so calmly and clearly. This is best done after they are calm. My preferred method of delivery is at the end of time out right before you release them to play again. This is usually after they have calmed down, yet they are eager to listen because they want to go play.

You want to keep your voice calm, yet firm. I also like to use the same wording each time. My speech usually starts something like this:

"Piper, do you understand why you were sent to time out?"
"Why was that not a good choice?"
"What do you need to do in the future?"

At the end I always make sure to tell her that I love her, and I only want to keep her safe. We then end the discussion with hugs and kisses. It is the same every time, and I believe that this consistency is key.

6. Make sure you address when they are doing things well
This is the tactic that I struggle with the most. As parents, I feel that it is easy to get caught up in the negative, and so hard to focus on all of the things that our children are doing right every day. AND that is really sad! This is something that I am trying to work on. Ultimately, at 4 years old, my daughter does want me to be proud of her, and I know that this can be a big tool that I can use to help reinforce good behavior in the future. It's as simple as complimenting her use of manners when saying. "excuse me." I am making that my goal for this week!

How do you deal with your strong willed child? Tell me in the comments!

Tips for Dealing with Picky Eaters

Growing up I was a self proclaimed picky eater. I didn't like very much, and didn't try new things often...if ever. Because of my pickiness I knew that I would have a picky child. I am big believer in the idea that you get back what you give your parents. AND...my daughter is SUPER picky.

Here's a quick list of what my daughter will eat:
loaf bread
peanut butter
french fries
strawberries
bananas
yogurt
apples and applesauce
water melon
grapes
cheese
cream cheese
plain bagels
spaghetti noodles with butter or plain marinara sauce
kraft style macaroni and cheese
popcorn shrimp
Chick-fil-a chicken nuggets (she doesn't like them very much. I have to force her to eat them!)
corn
english peas

that is it. Really. I swear. It's not very much at all, and it can really get me worried on a daily basis. I mean, what child doesn't like Chick-fil-A? It's almost sacrilegious in my neck of the woods. The even sadder part is that it has really gotten a whole lot better since I have implemented a few new tools into our lives over the last 6 months. Want to hear what has helped my picky eater?

1. Stop avoiding the problem!
For the longest time--I just avoided the issue by making her food that I knew she would eat. This meant that I was cooking her a separate meal every meal from the rest of the family. This is just not practical. This also meant that I was packing her lunches and dinners when we ate out--that is even more impractical, not to mention embarrassing!

After consulting my daughter's doctor we decided that something had to change! We stopped the avoidance immediately and prepared for all out war--and it was NOT easy! She put up a good fight, but I had some other tricks up my sleeve. Ultimately, I realized that I was exhausting myself, and I was doing my child a major injustice at the same time.

2. Provide incentives
This is one of the best tools that I have found to work with my picky eater. I recommend that you use what your child does like and make it into a reward for eating the other items on the plate. This could be a dessert, piece of candy, jello, or fruit. Whatever your picky eater likes--use it as a reward for eating those things that they do not like. My daughter has a major sweet tooth, and she loves cookies. I will put Oreos on her plate, but she has to eat all the other items on her plate before she can eat the Oreos.

3. Choices
I have noticed that my daughter is more likely to eat something when she has chosen it. When I am picking out what to make for dinner I will let her make decisions. It's something as simple as green beans or carrots? She is less likely to throw down with me if she makes the choice. Obviously you want the choices to be equally healthy or disliked for this tip to be effective.

4. Get peer help
My daughter would never eat pizza until Halloween when we went over to her bestie's house, and that is what they provided for dinner. Since her friend was eating it--she was excited to do the same. Ever since she has done much better with Pizza!

5. The bite technique
One technique that is an oldie but a goodie is the bite trick. For the things that my daughter really dislikes I give her a small number of bites that she has to eat of that food before she can have her dessert or treat. Usually I try to go for her age. Since she is 4--she has to eat 4 bites of carrots or green beans or spinach before she can have her cookie. This is the same method my mom used to use with me. It works so well!

6. Sneak them in
When all else fails a good way to sneak in unwanted fruits or vegetables is to sneak them in to a "milkshake" or smoothie. My daughter loves her "milkshakes" You can totally throw some spinach in with a banana and strawberries to give them some extra veggies!

Another product that I swear by is Juice Plus. These are fruit and veggie juice gummies that are whole food nutrition. My daughter thinks they are candy and she loves them! They really make me feel better at the end of the day. If all else fails I know that she has gotten the bare minimum that she needs with these gummies. You can check them out here. They are so good that I take them too! They are sold my independent distributors, so if you are interested contact me and I can give you the hook up!

I hope these tips and tricks help another mother out there who struggles with a picky eater! In solidarity, sisters!

How to speed up your morning when you have kids

When I first started working 10 years ago--I was meticulous about being early for work each and every day so that I would have time to get get myself prepared. I am one of those people that just needs my time when I first get to work to read emails and prepare for the tasks at hand that day. THEN I had my daughter--and there was a definite learning curve.

Now that she is a big kid, there are days when her moods can really slow the process down in the morning. There are times when she just doesn't want to get out of bed, doesn't like what she is wearing, doesn't want to brush her hair etc. But I still have to get to work. What is a mom to do?

There are a few things that I have found that help keep us all on time in the morning.

1. Shower at night.

I know that a lot of people hate showering at night,but it is a great way to save time the morning. I like to shower at night and dry my hair a little bit before bed. Then when I wake up I can run the curling wand over my hair and it is good to go.

Obviously bathing my child at night is the only option I will even consider at this point. We would have to get up at 4:30 in the morning to fit in a bath for her.

2. Lay out everyone's outfits the night before.

This one step is an easy one to forget, but it really does save me a bunch of time and I am trying to become a lot more consistent with it. When I lay my clothes out the night before I am able to save myself so much time in the morning thinking about what I am going to wear. It also gives me the chance to iron anything that needs ironing.

For my daughter I usually lay out two options. Since she wears a uniform top--all I do is lay out to pants options. This helps to avoid fits over what she is going to wear. She feels like it is her choice, and we all win.

I would also suggest laying all parts of the outfit out including shoes and jewelry for a one stop shop.

3. Make lunches the night before and possibly even on the weekends.

This is usually something that my husband takes care of. He makes salads for every day of the week on Sunday night and I just pick them up in the morning to bring with me to work. My daughter's lunch is included at school (for now) so that is not a problem, but in 2 more years--We will probably make her lunch each night before bed as well.

4. Pack book bags/work bags the night before

Before going to bed I make sure that my laptop and other school items are already in my bag, and that my daughter's book-bag is prepped and ready for the next school day. This is imperative to make sure that things do not get forgotten--that can really put you behind.

5. Pick your battles

There are going to be those days when my daughter fights waking up or doesn't like either of the choices for outfits, and you just have to decided which battles to pick sometimes I just let her pick a pair of pants in those cases...even if they don't match. I mean, who really cares?

6. Divide and conquer.

My husband and I tag team the operations in the morning when we are both available. There are times when he is out of town and I have to do it myself, but it is rare. He get's P dressed most days while I finish up my makeup and hair. I then am responsible for her hair, brushing her teeth, and making sure she uses the bathroom before we leave. I think that it is key to be a team. When you specialize in just a few jobs everyone gets out earlier!

What you are noticing from this list is that it makes for a much later night for you, but I would rather go to bed a little later and sleep in awhile longer.

What are your hacks for morning time in your household?

Friday Favorites--My Favorite Post About Infant Sleep and Scheduling

When my little P was an infant--I became the master Babywise type mom. I totally believed wholeheartedly in scheduling you baby's day. I believe that P was a much happier baby because she was thoroughly rested. I also believe that she learned how to fall asleep. Even though, this may seem like an easy skill--it's not necessarily that way. I had the hardest time falling asleep well into adulthood. My child doesn't have any issues with sleep, and I believe it stems from the techniques I used in her first year of life.

One of my posts about scheduling is my most pinned post from Pinterest. That is why I have decided to write this post. I can totally understand why people are drawn to my post--all new moms are desperately searching for anything to help them sleep more!

Below I have linked my favorite posts on sleep training and sample schedules that I used for my daughter.

I would love to hear about your sweet babies and what you have found to work for them. My husband and I are currently considering and planning for Baby #2 and I need to re-learn all over again!

1. How To Get Your Newborn On A Schedule

This post is a general tips and tricks post on how to start out. It includes the basics of how to start as well as addresses some FAQs.

2. Why I Did Cry It Out

This post is on one of the most controversial parts of sleep training and scheduling--cry it out. I try to talk about it in a humorous way. I know that lots of parents have a hard time with this, but I swear that it works. I include some tips and tricks in this one as well.

3. Sample Schedule Posts

Below I have linked my daughter's sample schedules for her first two transitions. These should help you moms out there that like to be prepared for the future.

Weeks 7-10

Weeks 10-15

4. Introduction of Solid Foods With Scheduling

When I introduced solids her schedule seemed it change a bit. It definitely make life a little bit more difficult.

5. Schedule from 6-9 Months

After starting solids my daughter's schedule held steady for a long time. This was the longest stretch that she went without changing it up from time to time. She became pretty predictable and oh-so-happy!

I hope you enjoy these posts!
Caroline

How I Put Together A Girly Paw Patrol Birthday Party

Disclaimer: I was not compensated by any of these shops. All opinions are my own entirely.

My daughter is obsessed with Paw Patrol. Therefore, there was little question as to what theme her 4th birthday party would be. I love planning her birthday parties. I take great pride in how they turn out. It's a definitely labor of love, but I won't pretend that I don't enjoy every minute of it.

I made a good deal of the decorations for her birthday party using my Cricut Explore (you can buy yourself one here.) I would also like to include a shout out to all of the other vendors that helped make this party PAW-tastic!

Planning a Paw Patrol party of your own? Then, you are in the right place. I would love to hear your ideas as well, who knows, I might be able to use them for her next party!

Birthday Banner

I have made birthday banners for my daughter's last 3 birthday parties, and the one I made this year is my favorite by far. It was very intricate and time consuming, but that made it more rewarding to hang up in the end.

As mentioned above, I use my Cricut Explore for all my paper projects. I get most of my cut files off of Etsy. I LOVE ETSY! Like--I really love it. If you are looking for cute Paw Patrol cut files simply search Paw Patrol SVG files on etsy and you will have all that you ever dreamed you could find.

I got the Paw Patrol font here.

I got the "pup tag" shape for the banner here.

I got the paw patrol faces here.

The faces are the most challenging to create. There are layers upon layers of paper. I took the files above and actually merged a ton of the layers...and it was still quite a process to assemble them. Imagine a tiny jigsaw puzzle. That is what it was like--but in the end it looks so good and you just can't buy anything like this without breaking the bank. To tie it all together I just used a roll of jute and a hole puncher. Simple as that. I think the jute makes it look a little vintage.

If you would like for me to do a tutorial on how to use the Cricut Explore to create images like above, then leave me some comments.

Centerpieces

These centerpieces were made from the same pup faces and pup tag files linked above. I secured them to dowels with a hot glue gun and placed them in painted mason jars filled with craft paper shreds. The end result is too cute for words. The little chalkboards were placed randomly on the mason jars as well.

Entertainment

When kids first entered the party they were directed to make their own pup tag. I took the same pup tag cut file from above and cut several on white cardstock. I punched two holes at the top and created a necklace with jute. The kids colored their own "pup tags" and wore them around their necks for the rest of the party. BUT I did not get a good picture of them--drat! BUT in the picture above, my daughter is wearing her creation!

I also printed Paw Patrol coloring sheets from this site. and had them on the tables with crayons for kids to color before/after/during cake.

What really made the party entertaining was the fact that we hired a performer to dress up as Skye and Chase. The performer made balloon animals and did face painting. It was a hit! I highly recommend it.

Cake

All of my daughter's birthday cakes were made by Shakeata. She is my mother's friend, and she outdoes herself each a every year. I highly recommend her. She is in the Atlanta area. You can contact her here.

Food Labels 

I made the food labels using Picmonkey. I love this site! On Picmonkey you can create your own printables in your own colors. My daughter wanted a girl birthday party, but she loves Chase. With Picmonkey I was able to make my own invitations in girly colors and with a girly style. I was unable to find anything at a store that would work. The dog bowls was an idea I got on Pinterest. I found these bowls on Amazon!

For the Paw Patrol images I searched google images for Paw Patrol transparent background. I found the ones that I liked, and saved them to my computer. Then you can just upload them as your own overlay in Picmonkey and voila!

Birthday Outfit

The adorable birthday outfit I found on Etsy. You can visit the shop here. They did such a great job, and I thought my girl looked so cute. Everyone at the party commented on her outfit and bow! It was a hit--even if she didn't like it!

There you have it! I enjoyed creating this party almost as much as my little P did. Are you planning a little one's birthday party in the near future? I would love to see what you come up with! If you would be interested in an in depth tutorial on how anything was made, then say so in the comments!

Caroline

Trips with Toddlers

When my daughter was a baby I avoided taking her out for long periods of time. When she was breastfeeding--it just felt like too much of a hassle to take her anywhere. I got real anxiety at the thought of taking her on a long car ride by myself. I would stress over what would happen if she cried, or was hungry. I avoided taking her anywhere overnight until she was 6 months old. AND that trip was so awful that she didn't go anywhere again until 14 months.

As P got older though, the more she craved adventure, and the better traveler she has become. I know that if I have another one--I will need to find that balance of being able to provide structure without making myself crazy. I do believe that a lot of my issues with travel with my daughter were self induced. I just wasn't flexible enough. I was too caught up in her schedule and nap times to have fun.

However, traveling with toddlers can make even the most confident parent fret a bit.  We are taking three vacations this summer, so here are a few tips that I have found to help while on trips with toddlers.

1. Understand going in that bed time will be later
When we go to Virginia every summer, we do a great job getting P to bed on time each night, but when we were at Disney--she was going to bed at all kinds of crazy hours. I used to try to fit our schedule around P's nap and bed times. It is just too much. You will not be able to accomplish what you need if you are tied to a 7:30 bed time. Let it go. I promise that they will go back to their normal bedtime when you return home. Kids are smart enough to understand that there is a difference when you are away from home.

2. Understand that nap time may not happen
At this stage in the game (P is three years old) we are really struggling with nap time anyway. For this reason, I am already mentally preparing myself for the fact that P might not take naps while we are on our vacations this summer. Children (especially toddlers) are creatures of habit, so one little difference could really throw them off. I know that P usually sleeps well at our place in Virginia, because the room is very dark and similar to the environment that she has at home. BUT our cruise for this summer is likely to be a whole different story. I'm not going to worry about it. I know that she will need to sleep later in the mornings to make up for it, and I will try like hell to make sure that that happens.

3. Bring as many comforts from home as possible
Since my daughter is such a product of a strict schedule and environment--I always try to bring as many comforts from home as possible when we travel. This includes all 35 of her stuffed animals (I'm not kidding). If we have room and it can be done, then I bring them. On the list of things that I normally bring on trips with us: her comforter, pillow, stuffed animals, sound machine, monitors, potty seat, and potty stool, and countless of her favorite toys. Obviously if you are going by plane, then it might be different. We will see how P does on the cruise without her potty seat. She will go on public toilets, but protests without it at home and on vacation at times. It should be interesting.

4. Figure out the bed situation
Up until last summer, P slept in her pack n play on vacation, but once we moved her to her toddler bed at home--we knew she was not going to take to that sleeping arrangement on vacation anymore. When we went to Disney last September, I actually bought a toddler cot that she could sleep on. It was adorable, and she slept on it at my parents maybe twice. When we got to our condo at Disney she was so excited to sleep in her own bed in her own room that she actually spent the whole week sleeping in the full sized bed in her room. She didn't want to even look at that cot. This has become a bit of an incentive for P on vacation. Since she sleeps on a smaller toddler bed at home--she looks forward to going on vacation to get to sleep in the "big girl bed." Hey--Whatever works.

5. Bring medicines and other items for emergencies
Now when I say emergencies I don't meal real ones. I mean scrapes, and sniffles. I try to bring any medicine that P has ever needed in her three years. I am a firm believer in Murphy's law (what can go wrong, will go wrong). I like to live in the know. Before A trip I pack the following: eczema lotion, glycerin suppositories (because kids get constipated on vacations), miralax, tylenol, ibuprofen, band aids, benadryl, ear drops, saline spray, boogie wipes, and rubbing alcohol. You just never know when something may be needed.

Preparation truly is key with my little one. I try to keep as much structure in the chaos as possible, and usually she does a great job.

Happy Monday!
Caroline

How I deal with Tantrums

First let me preface this by saying that I love being a mother. I really do. It is what I love most in this world. I thank god every day that I was blessed with my daughter...

BUT....That tiny little three-nager has moments that make me question why anyone would ever want to do this thing called motherhood.

P started throwing tantrums at 18 months of age. This correlated with starting baby school which made me feel doubly guilty as a new working mom. However, over the last two years I have figured out some ways to help shorten the length of her tantrums and lengthen the amount of time between tantrums.

I, by all means, am not a psychologist and I am not an expert. I am just a Mom who has one too many times given the knowing nod to a fellow Mom who was tussling with her toddler in the aisles of Publix. I have many times offered a nice comment like, "I've been there girl. Hang in there." I believe that these types of interactions are powerful between moms. I appreciate when I get these types of affirmations myself, so I love to pay it forward.

Let's just get that all out of the way here. You are doing a fantastic job! Don't let your toddler's tantrum define you. It is not your fault. It is just a symptom of the age. It's developmental. Don't listen to those other bloggers and "friends" of yours who claim that their two year old never acts the way that your child does. They are full of it....BIG TIME!

Now on to what I have found that works for my little tantrum thrower!

1. Pick your battles
OMG I hate that I am using this overused phrase, but it is just that true. You have to learn to pick your battles with these little monsters. I would venture to say that I am displeased with 75% of P's behaviors during a day. But if I corrected each and every thing that she did that I didn't like, then that would be my only interaction with her every day. AND it will most certainly end in a frustrated toddler who is primed for a throw down.

Instead I try to focus on a few behaviors each day, and rotate through them. I still hit them all each week. I just focus on one at a time. Yesterday it was the fact that she was refusing to take naps during the day, whining, and nose picking. Today I will pick something else like noise level or paying attention to me when I talk.

Part of the issue is that I spend so little time with her during the week that I really have to be careful about the negativity. Which brings me to number 2.

2. Use positive behavior reinforcement
After a few tantrums we start to figure out what is likely to send our little angel over the edge. The trick is to avoid, avoid, avoid like the plague if you can. BUT there are some things that simply cannot be avoided.

 For the longest time my daughter would throw a tantrum over her clothes in the morning. I had bought all of these really cute shirts and ruffled pants and she HATED them. Every time I tried to put her in the clothes she would throw a tantrum, and we would all end up late to work/school. She has to get dressed, but she doesn't have to wear those clothes. I had to let it go for both of our sanity. However, we occasionally still disagree on what she should wear.

So I figured out that a lot of her friends were wearing skirts with their uniform tops to school and that P wanted to look like them. This is why she was pitching a fit over pants for awhile. So we chit chatted and I told her that if she could get dressed every morning without throwing a fit for four days, then I would let her pick out a dress to wear to school on Friday. On Friday, they get to wear what they want anyway, so I was really giving up nothing, and P felt like she was gaining something. Everyday that she got dressed without crying or whining--I gave her loads of high fives, kisses, and verbal praise. It really works for my kid. All she really wants is for me to be proud of her.

3. Provide choices
Another area that has the tendency to set P off is food. There are certain things she likes and the list is VERY short! Her doctor wants me to be a little stricter on her in this department, by sending her to bed without dinner if she refuses what we are having, but in my house that has never been productive for me. What we end up with is a 3 hour tantrum and a child too wound up to go to sleep. So I had to improvise.

Since J and I normally like to eat dinner a little later (especially now that soccer is in season) P was needing to eat earlier anyway. I started offering her choices for dinner. Since she pretty much won't eat any of the meals that I make--it is not a big deal to me at this point. I let her pick between two options. If she won't choose, then I just make her what I want, and put it in front of her. If she eats it, then fine, and if not, then I don't really stress too much. I have learned that she will not starve. If she is hungry, then she will catch up somewhere. For the most part she will make a choice, and eat what she chose with a smile.

4. Don't be above bribery
I know, I know, all you perfect moms out there are gasping in horror that I am suggesting that bribery is a good parenting tactic. Well, you can all kiss it, because this is the tool that works best for my child. AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!!!

While, I don't want to have to continue to bribe her her whole life--I do think that when used sparingly it is very effective. P's doctor claims that you cannot reason with a child under 5 years old. I firmly disagree with this notion. My daughter is able to asses consequences and rewards of different options and has been able to for a year. If your child cannot yet, then I do not suggest trying to use this method.

My daughter loves stuffed animals, candy, Peppa Pig, Mickey Mouse, Disney Princesses, movies, Disney World, the park, and any kind of trip. She would rather be out and about than at home. I have noticed that if I keep her in all day everyday she will have a meltdown after a few days. She needs to get out even if it is just to run an errand or go to the playground. Since she loves these things--they hold power with her. I have been known to hang a playground trip over her head to get her to take an afternoon nap on the weekends. She will go to sleep without problem. EVERY. TIME. I'm just saying. Find what your child loves, and reward them with it.

5. Validate your child's feelings
Ultimately they are tiny humans with big people emotions. They cannot fully communicate to you the momentous feelings that they are experiencing. They  just don't have the vocabulary yet. Therefore, I find that helping my daughter communicate her frustrations can stop a tantrum that is brewing.

When P is getting upset she will clam up and stop talking. She will revert back to 18 month old P, who just pointed and grunted when she wanted something. I HATE THIS! It drives me nuts. But instructing her in that moment not to whine and "use her words" will almost certainly end in a full on floor slapping, leg twitching tantrum. Don't do it! You can address it later. I promise your child will remember.

Instead I give her the words that she lacks. It sounds like something straight out of a therapist's mouth, but I swear that it works so well for her. Here is how it goes most of the time.

P--Grunts and points in direction of lollipop that I have just said she could not have until after she has eaten her sandwich.
Me--"I understand that you're getting frustrated and angry at me because I told you that you could not have the lollipop. I am not saying that you cannot have it later. I am not trying to make you angry. I just want you to take a few more bites of your lunch. Can you do that for me? Then you can have your lollipop."
P--Whines and then shakes her head yes and picks up sandwich.

Once she completes her end of the deal--I reward her with the lollipop. Later that night I will talk to her about using her words and not pointing when she wants something. When she is calm and in a better mood.

I hope these tips make sense to you, and that you have success with your toddler tornado.

I am also interested in knowing what works for you? I would love to try it out as well.

Caroline

Tyme Iron Tutorial and Review

This is the first beauty tutorial I have done on the blog. I am so excited to make this a weekly thing! Disclaimer--I have not been compensated by the Tyme people. All opinions are my own completely!

So let's talk about the Tyme iron. It has been all over Facebook. It was haunting me daily. So I put it on my Christmas list last year, and I got it! It took me a good 3 practicing sessions before I had it down, but now it is the only hair product I ever use on myself. No more curling irons, and no more straightening irons. I just use the Tyme iron and I am set for both waves and straight! How cool is that?

If you are interested in getting a Tyme iron. You can purchase one here.

Here's the thing--we as humans to do not have a long attention span--so a product, no matter how great, that has a learning curve often gets shoved in the back of our cabinets in the bathroom and forgotten! That is why I wanted to do a video tutorial and post here about my experience with the Tyme iron. View my tutorial below if you already have the iron--or if you're just curious, or thinking about purchasing.

And now for my review!

1. Price
The Tyme iron is $189. That is a little bit pricey, but as someone who has bought Chi irons for years, it really is not that much more.  Many curling wand systems are in the same price point. I guess when you consider that the iron is supposed to take the position of both a straightening iron and a curling iron, then it would warrant that higher price. BUT I will admit that I used my Chi iron to curl my hair too, and the results were not much different.

2. Packaging and Quality
the Tyme iron comes in really sturdy and nice packaging. It arrived unharmed and in a timely manner. I have been using this iron consistently for over a year, and it still works just like it did the first day. It is well made.

3. Performance
The Tyme iron makes beautiful smooth curls and can straighten just as good as any other straightening iron I have ever used (and I have curly hair so I have used a lot). It has sucessfully replaced my other irons completely.

My one issue is that you cannot control the heat setting on the iron. It comes in one setting (F******* HOT). So if you are one who worries about heat damage--this might not be the iron for you.

4. Overall
Overall I love this iron. I use it weekly and I even use it on clients. While it does take time to learn how to use, I do think that it has superior performance.

Do you have a Tyme iron? If you don't, then maybe you will consider investing the next time you are in the market for a new tool.

Till Wednesday!
Caroline