Words for My Daughter

Over the last few months I have been slowly piecing together ideas for Piper's new "Big Girl" room in my mind. For the last year she has been sleeping in a toddler bed, but I am well aware that she is ready to graduate to a "forever bed." As silly as that sounds. We are preparing to get her room ready and appropriate for a young lady. Something that will be appropriate for a little girl, but that can grow with her into her teenage years. I can't believe that I just typed those words.

I have picked out some furniture in my mind, and the paint color I want to use. It will be elegant and sophisticated, yet appropriate for this beautiful Princess that it will hold.

During this process I have become obsessed with wood framed art pieces. I know that I want a pretty large piece to go over her new bed. But I couldn't find the right phrase to put on it. I wanted something that would again grow with her into young adulthood.

While scouring Pinterest, I had a hunch to search for quotes from one of my favorite authors, F. Scott Fitzgerald. Anyone that has read The Great Gatsby knows that his work is very romantic and whimsical, yet thought provoking and quite sad at times. While reading through the multitudes of famous quotes from his work, I came across this portion from The Curious Case of Benjamin Button, and I just stopped searching further. As I read it, my eyes welled up with tears. I knew that this was exactly the wish that I had for my daughter's life each day.

These words truly express the type of individual that I want to raise. One that is strong, kind, friendly, caring, and intelligent enough to be true to herself first and foremost. They will be the words that will hang over her sweet head each night as she sleeps. I pray that they will stay inspirational and relevant to her all of her life.

I wanted to take the time to share them with all of you, because this is also the wish that I have for all of my friends and family. May these words ring as true to you as they have for me.

Happy Hump Day,

Caroline

Where Are You Summer?

Life has been so stinkin' crazy around here. I mean, let me be honest, I have been a big slacker in the blogging department lately. It's mostly due to the fact that our lives are so chaotic in the winter months that I feel like I barely have enough time to do my jobs (educator, wife, and mom) much less tell you all about how I am flailing daily. AND I do mean FAILING too. I can't wait for summer to come so that I can have time to relax and catch up on some good quality family time.

My life in January becomes an endless cycle of dropped balls. Add in my husband's soccer, my experience coaching Mock Trial this year, P's two new activities each week, and my mom's recent hip replacement surgery, and I'm just reeling from the stress. There is never enough time to do anything, and yet, when I get time all I want to do is lay like a vegetable on the couch and watch The Bachelor or something equally ridiculous. Please tell me that I am not the only one...Anyone?

Since Piper's Birthday time has just flown by. She is such an amazing little ball of energy. I fall more in love with her each and every day. I am loving how vocal she is lately. She will often compliment me on my outfit or tell me that my hair is pretty. One of her new favorite names for me is sweetie. I'm not sure where that comes from. She is so full of love, and spunk all at the same time.

Her Birthday party was spectacular. It was my best creation yet. Here are some pics of the things I created for it. This is by far my favorite thing to do all year! It is a labor of love, and one way that I choose to show my love to my daughter. I hope she looks back on these pictures one day and is proud of the work that I did for her.

My mom recently had hip replacement surgery, and while I went down for the weekend, I really wasn't of much help. My dad took fabulous care of her, but I won't lie. It is a scary thing to have a parent that is ill. It is a reminder of the fragility of life. One that makes me have nightmares at night.

Photo taken by P herself!

I turned 30 last week, and I didn't meet it with much kindness. I wasn't looking forward to it. We went out to dinner as a family of 3. It was nice and quaint, and just how it should be. I am going to Vegas this summer for my 30th with my besties from High School to celebrate. I cannot wait. Confronting the idea of getting older is something that is new to me, and it is something that brings a ton of fear into my mind. I am not quite where I thought I would be by 30. BUT I am so incredibly lucky to have the life that I lead each day.

I constantly struggle with the what's next in my life. So much of growing up is about getting through these milestone in life. You are always looking forward to what is next. Always thinking, "What do I have to do to get to this next point." Now in my 30s--I am struggling with what is next in my life. I have a career, and a family--So what is next for me. It's the uncertainty that I don't like.

So until then I just pour myself into this little piece of perfection that I created. I try to focus on providing new and great experiences for P. Ballet and Gymnastics. Playdates with friends. Trips to Disney World. Maybe, possibly, hopefully a sibling to grow up with. Teaching manners, and good habits. Trying to curb the temper and hard-headedness that is already grasping her three year old self. Molding, shaping, hoping, and praying that the decisions I make and will make are best for her. I guess that is what is next for me. Still I know, no matter what, that it will never be enough, yet it will also never be too much.

What do you think?

Cheers!
Caroline

Happy 3rd Birthday P

1/13/17

Dear Piper,

I cannot believe that once again it is time for me to write my annual birthday letter. What an amazing year we have had with you! I definitely have an air of sadness as this year with you comes to an end, yet I am definitely looking forward to all that you will do in your next year of life.

In your third year of life you gave up your paci, crib, and diapers. You learned to do a forward roll and to twirl like a ballerina. You started Gymnastics. You fell deeper in love with music and movies. You went from being able to talk fairly well--to being a professional chatterbox. You love more, and cry less. You showed fear, and bravery. You made friends, and you overcame strife. It was a big year for you baby girl!

You started off the year with a lot of sickness. You missed 10 days of school last spring semester. We are learning that you have a tendency toward ear infections, strep, and even had a bought of Hand, Foot, and Mouth. Yet for the most part you are a pretty pleasant patient. You actually love going to the doctor. You are a willing participant in the check up process. You watch the doctor in awe. It's not really that surprising because you love to play doctor at home as well. Who knows, maybe one day you will decide to be one!

You weigh 36 pounds and are 39 inches tall. That means that you have gained 6 pounds this year, and grown 5 inches! That is a whole lot of growing going on for you. You still tower over most of your class at school, and get mistaken for a 4 year old quite easily, but you are just your perfect version of Piper that I love oh-so-much.

I'm not really sure how you gained that much weight because you don't really eat much. You are the pickiest child that I have ever encountered. It is one of my biggest struggles with you. Your daily diet usually consists of at least one peanut butter and jelly sandwich. You love all the things I wish you wouldn't--like chocolate, chips, and juice. You are starting to eat chicken nuggets again after a long battle with them. You will sometimes eat mac and cheese, but sometimes not. All I can do is continue to push you to try new things. You are just so stubborn and opinionated, but I can't complain. You are so much like your parents.

This past year you have really blossomed into your friendships. You are definitely still learning how to be a good friend. Sharing is sometimes a struggle, and you and your friends do bicker like sisters at times. Your two bestest friends in the whole wide world are Rylee and Hadley. You have known them for longer than a year, but the three of you are now a package deal. You also have good play dates with your friend, Grayson. You two love going swimming and to Catch Air together. Whenever I ask you who you love the most--90% of the time your response is Rylee or Hadley. Occasionally, I might get you to say Mommy or Daddy, but it is far more rare lately. Seeing you interact and make friends puts a big smile on my face because relationships with other women has always been a struggle for me. I am hoping that it will be different for you. I wish that for you with all of my heart.

Your favorites list has gotten so much longer this past year. You love to play, but your second favorite thing to do is learn. You love practicing your letters and numbers. You recognize them all around you. When you spot the letter P--you yell, "Look P! P for me!" You are just so smart. By far your favorite toy is stuffed animals. You sleep with so many that there is hardly enough room for you in the bed. At night, we check on you before we go to bed. It is common for us to have to shift animals in your bed to find you sleeping underneath. They comfort you, and we are okay with that. You even demand to take an animal to school with you each day.

We have traveled so much with you in the last year.  You have made two trips to Disney World over the past year. You also went to Virginia as well. You love going on "cation." On our long trips you developed a love for Disney movies. Your favorites are Frozen, The Little Mermaid, and 101 Dalmatians. You will watch them over and over. You have also fallen in love with TV shows in general. Your favorites are Peppa Pig (the theme of your birthday this year), Goldie and Bear, My Friends Tigger and Pooh, and Sofia the First. Every night before bed you watch an episode and then go to bed willingly. You are such a big girl!

Speaking of sleep--in the last 7 months you have really become a great sleeper. There are some times that you wont nap at school, but for the most part you love your sleep.

Overall I am once again amazed with how much you have grown and changed over the last year. Your daddy and I consider ourselves so lucky to be your parents. You make us laugh uncontrollably with your silly antics. You make us mad with your unparalleled tantrums. You make us cry when you are sad or scared. But most of all you make us so proud that we get to call you ours.

As you grow I hope that you always know how supremely unique you are. You are many things; Beautiful, vivacious, painfully shy and yet boisterous at times, intelligent, caring, sweet, loving, but most of all you are brave. I have observed you face challenges over and over again, and go through them with grace even when I knew you were anxious. That is the true meaning of bravery. I hope you always face life that way.

So happy birthday to my girl! I don't know how I could possibly love you more, but I am sure over the next year you will show me the way. You are my happy place, and my legacy. I can't wait to see all that we will teach each other next. Thank you, my darling, for this very extraordinary life.

Love,
Mommy

Birthday Blues

Every year around this time the same thing happens. December rolls around and brings with it so much excitement in our lives. P, J and I love Christmas and Hanukkah. I look forward to watching my girl open all of her gifts. I agonize over what to get her. I use the entire break from work to plan her birthday party in January, and that is when it hits me. Every. Single. Year. Just like the weight of an elephant sitting on my chest. My daughter is another year older.

It shouldn't make me sad. It is irrational in every way, yet every year it is the same process of grief. Watching back old videos of my squishy baby as she learned to sit up, crawl, and the walk. Looking at the pictures on Facebook from the day she way born, and the pictures I took each month to mark her growth. What I used to celebrate--I now mourn. Maybe I am just that sentimental. Maybe it is just me, but I have a feeling that I am not the only one.

It stems from many different issues within myself. The sadness and guilt that I feel for all of the time I have missed with her over the last year because I was working each day. Add the guilt I feel for the exhaustion that I greet her with each afternoon when she is just so excited to see me. I die a little bit inside if I let myself think about it. I know that she has grown into this brilliant, beautiful, and independent girl because of her school, but part of me will always feel guilty for sending her. I would make that choice a million times over. It was the right one for her and for our family, but I know that I miss a lot.

Then there is the other BIG issue in my life. That big question that I get asked at least twice a week. Will this be the last 3rd birthday I have to plan, or will there be another child? We go back and forth and by WE--I really mean J. While I have moments--mostly when P is being a typically Todzilla--where I think 1 is enough, but I always snap back to reality. I cannot imagine not doing it all over again. And if I really let myself think about it, it's devastating. If for some reason I couldn't have another, then I would be more than thankful for the one I have, but the idea of choosing to cheat myself out of this wonderful experience--that is a whole other animal.

I am fairly certain that most of my birthday blues stems from this last issue more than the first. As P gets older the finality of our family becomes more probable to me. The further J is away from the diapers and the midnight feedings--the less he is willing to entertain the conversation. The result is me sitting in the guest room sniffing old baby clothes with tears streaming down my cheeks.

I'm not saying any of this to bash my husband--I totally understand and can validate all of his feelings. I get it, and I even agree on some of his points. But this feeling is not a rational feeling. It is a hormonal, and maybe even primal urge. Chalk it up to evolution, nature--whatever. I cannot control myself.

Last weekend, Piper's friend Annabelle turned 3 and we went to her party. Annabelle recently got a new baby sister. I finally got to hold the baby at the end of the party, and it definitely made it worse. She smelled so amazing. She had that baby smell--you know what I mean? It's that sweet smell that is contained to their heads. I just kept sniffing her. Creepy-I know. The next day, Piper asked where her Ailey and Hampton (her other friend's baby brother) were? At first I just thought she meant where the actual babies were, but after talking with her I realized she was asking me where her baby sibling was. I told her that she didn't have a baby brother or sister, and then asked her if she wanted one. She said she did (sometimes she says she doesn't want one). I told J I had to go to the bathroom, but I really went and cried.

P is more than what I dreamed she would be, and I love her so completely that the next 15 year with her living under our roof will never be enough for me. She will have to have a room for me in her apartment at college--because I am moving in. When her birthday comes I will smile and celebrate with the whole family and all of her friends, but as I put her to bed that night I am sure that I will shed a few tears. I don't ever want this time in my life to end.

Happy Hump Day!
Caroline

Shopping Guide For Her

One of my most read posts each year is my Christmas List. Just yesterday, I overheard two teachers in the hall struggling with what to get their wives for Christmas. While, I didn't volunteer any ideas at the time, I am more than willing to share them with you. Ladies, if you see something you like here--don't shy away from posting the link to this post on your husband's Facebook wall. Being subtle has gotten us all less appealing gifts in the past. Afterall, your husband really wants to make you happy and doesn't really want to waste money on something that will go unused. TRUST ME!

1. Boots!
I love getting boots for Christmas because I wear the crap out of them all winter long, and am always in need of a new pair by the next year. A good pair of brown riding boots like these...they would never be a disappointment.

2. Alex and Ani Bangles
If you know me, then you know I love these bangles. They are a great way to give a personlized gift without having to go through Etsy. Which is good because husbands do tend to procrastinate! I have a bangle with a P for my daughter's name. I also have one with her birthstone. Now, each time we go to a new place I get a bangle for that destination as well as a souvenir. Last year I added a Las Vegas, and a Disney 2016 bangle to my arm. This is a great way to show that you care and put thought into the gift. I am eyeing this particular bangle which is the zodiac sign for my daughter. I also like this one and this one for my husband and myself.

3. Old Navy Rockstar Colored Jeans
I love these jeans because I can get away with wearing them to work. They are stretchy and comfortable and I love them so so much. I want them in each and every color! They are the cutest way to add a pop of color to your wardrobe.

4. Mia Fit Cleansing Gift Set
The newest trend in skincare is the facial cleansing brush. I have yet to dive into this because they are pretty pricey. For that reason I think that it would be an awesome gift. I traditionally would not spend this much on myself in any one sitting, but I would get a ton of use out of it if I were to have it in my bathroom.

5. Sigma Brush Set
I am a girly girl who loves makeup. One thing I have learned through becoming a makeup artist is that makeup brushes make a big difference. You need quality stuff. I love this Sigma eye set because it is not too pricey, yet it is packed with useful tools. Sigma has a 2 year guarantee on all of their brushes. They are some the best quality out there, and therefore a great gift for any fashionista.

The Three Year Old Christmas List

My-Oh-My! Little P will be turning three in a little over two months! Time has certainly flown by this past year, and she has become an actual child. She has definitely developed an imagination and a passion for play. I am so looking forward to the holiday season this year with P. I can't wait to watch her Oooo and Ahhh over all of her gifts.  After some research and some investigation these are my recommendations for safe bets for the two year olds on your Christmas list.

1. A Doll House

Even boys develop a nurturing side as this age. I've seen some great tree house doll houses for boys too. But my girl loves princesses and Peppa Pig. So we will focus on girls for this part of the post. Piper is getting this Peppa doll house from a family member this christmas, but I am tempted to get her the whole set. There is a school house, a train, and a car and mat set that looked like hours of playtime for my imaginative girl! Check them out here!

2. Puzzles and flashcards to help with letter and number development

P has been hard at work learning all of her letters. She is doing so well, but still struggles with retaining the information from day to day. She has most of the letters of her name down now! I want to continue to work on this, so any puzzle with letters or numbers or even flash cards is a good gift in my book. Piper is getting a talking Melissa and Doug Puzzle in both ABCs and numbers from Santa this year!

3. Doctor Kit

Last year I bought P a cheap doctor kit from Wal-Mart on a whim and she loved it. But I am thinking she would love this Doc McStuffins interactive set even more. It's got a sick Lamb that talks and interacts as you use the doctor tools to make him feel better. I think P would love this toy for sure! She is constantly doctoring me at home!

4. Play-Doh

My 3 year old loves to play play-doh. We have tons and tons of colors already. What we don't have a ton of is fun toys and shapes for the play-doh. So a play-doh set is always a crowd pleaser. I found this Minnie Play-doh set that P will be getting from her parents this year. 

5. Dress up Clothes

My little girl's imagination is through the roof these days. She loves to dress up and act out. Therefore, dress up dresses, shoes, tiaras, or play jewelry is always a good option for a gift for my three year old. I went out and bought an Ariel dress and headband set after Halloween for relatively inexpensive. My girl is going to love it! I am hoping to create a whole dress up corner in het play room after Christmas if she gets a few more outfits to cycle through.

6. Books and DVDs

Lastly, but certainly not least my little P loves to sit and go through books. We have so many that we probably need a more proper bookshelf to house them all. I am thinking that when she gets her "big bead" this summer, then we will buy a bookshelf for one wall, but until then we will just have to find a place for them all.

Lately, P has gotten to the point where she will set and watch an entire movie. Hallelujah! The time has come. Since we also go on lots of long car trips throughout the year--DVDs are an awesome present for P. We are slowly trying to build her library. Right now she has, Frozen. Dumbo, 101 Dalmations, The Little Mermaid, and Aladdin. We are always looking to expand this library!

When Best Friends Have Babies

Last weekend I threw a baby shower for one of my oldest and closest friends. It was a multitude of emotions for me for many reasons. I am simply thrilled to death that there will finally be another baby in my crew, but I would be untrue to myself if I didn't say that it stirs up many other feelings inside me.

I would be totally lying if I said that celebrating baby A didn't make me wish that there would one day be another baby for me. As I made the diaper cake I might have been spotted holding a few to my nose to breathe in that familiar scent of the Pamper Swaddler. If you are a mom you know what I am talking about. Each diaper has a slightly different scent and the Swaddler was my favorite. It reminds me of that newborn smell. It is like putting in an expressway to my ovaries. Then I think about how I had to fight with P last night to apologize to me after hitting me with a block (on purpose, that B****) and I doubt seriously the reason why I felt led to do all of this the first time. I am NOT a toddler person. Give me a newborn over a two year old any day. Whoever told you that these were the days was wrong. Give me my squishy, needy, hungry, sleepy, newborn back! You can take this french-braided tyrant in Elsa panties with you because she is wearing on my last nerve lately. Of course I am kidding, but I would be lying if I didn't feel that way sometimes.

Everyone who knows me knows that I am a sappy person. I can cry at the drop of a hat. A good commercial can make me weep. It doesn't take much. So on Sunday--as I helped my friend unwrap and organize her gifts and read her cards, I kept getting choked up. I  know what is coming for her in the months to come, and I know that it will change her heart in so many important ways. It will change her relationships; some for the good, and maybe some will fade away. Is is totally natural. Most all I am so excited to have a friend that has known me through all of the seasons of my life finally understand what it is like to be in my shoes. I look forward to the sharing of advice (which has already started) and the celebrating of those little milestones that come with parenting. I laugh softly to myself because I know that she has no clue what she has gotten herself into. I mean that in the best possible way--Kels. I know that she will understand all the craziness that I have been spouting over the last almost 3 years. She's one of my people, and I feel like with this new transition in her life we will get closer. Hopefully physically closer--as she lives in another state right now.

In my life friendships with other women have been a struggle. I don't make friends quickly, and I have lost some quality friends along the way. Some that I miss, and some that I don't. For the most part, I have a close group of a few girls, and I was the first one to procreate. That made me feel a bit out of place at times. I guess you could say I felt like I was in a different stage of my life than they were. I think it was hard for me to relate to their lives and vice versa. It isn't either of our faults really. Nevertheless, I feel hopeful that this is starting to change. I look forward to the next few months and years of raising our daughters together (maybe from close distances and maybe from afar).

Hopefully we will one day be older and slightly grayer celebrating the successes of our daughters. Doesn't that sound crazy, but so good all at the same time.

Congrats My Friend.