Happy 2nd Birthday P!

January 13, 2016

Dear Piper,

Today is your 2nd birthday! HOORAY! Today is your day! I could not be more excited to celebrate you!

You weigh in at 30 pounds and are 34 inches tall. You have 14 teeth. Your hair reaches down to the middle of your back, but it is hard to tell because you have pretty little curls.

I can't believe that it was two years ago today that you came into my world. I have loved you every single moment of my life, even before you were conceived. As far back as I can remember I have always wanted a little girl--and you are the answer to all of those hopes and prayers over the years. BUT--you are so much more than what I hoped for. You amaze me every single day.

There are so many things that you have learned this year. You now speak pretty well. I can still remember the first time that you looked at me out of the blue and just said, "I wub you momma." I thought my heart might explode. Now, you are constantly telling me that you love me. Each time it can instantly brighten my day. You are quite the comedian. I love the sound of your voice. You have the tendency to be bossy at times. Always telling  me to go here or go get you something. You are never rude on purpose--ok, maybe sometimes you are, but you are learning your manners as well. You have recently started saying please and thank you to me.

You love to sing. It is one of your favorite past times. I hope that you never lose that quality. Everyday on the way to and from school you love to sing the song of your choice. Your favorites at the moment include "If You're Happy and You Know It," "The Wheels On The Bus," "Ring around the Rosie," and of course, "Let It Go." I love to sing with you. You also love to sing to your new baby doll. You rock her in your little arms and sing the same songs I sing to you each night. Then you put her "night, night." My heart feels so full each time I see it. I realize that you are watching me and learning how to be a mommy. It makes me feel so proud of you.

This year I decided to go back into the classroom after being home with you for the first year and half of your life. It was a very hard decision, but it was one that I made for you. I wanted you to learn to socialize with other children--and you have succeeded in that arena. You have many friends at school. Your teachers, Ms. Jessica and Ms. Meg--adore you. They call you Pip Pip. They say that you  hold hands with your friends, Riley and Hadley. How cute!

Your favorite toys right now are books. Any and all books. You will literally sit in the middle of the floor and read each and every book on your shelves--declaring, "THE END" after each one! It is quite the site. We now have to take books everywhere for entertainment. You even read while I dry your hair every night.

The holidays were amazing this year with you. You loved opening your Hanukkah and Christmas gifts. You would exclaim "OH!" with each one. You adored your Elf on the Shelf, Grumpy. You couldn't wait to figure out what mischief he had gotten into during the night. You were sad when he went back to the North Pole. You fell in love with the Hanukkah Song. It was all you wanted to sing for weeks afterward.

And now your birthday is here. You are two. Last night you kept informing me, "I two." You are so smart! We sang the Happy Birthday song to you over and over again because you asked us to. Then we all went upstairs and played a game of Pillows. It is a game that you invented all on your own. You tell us to sleep, then wake, and then chase you around the room. Almost a musical chairs, but with pillows. You giggle the whole time we play, and your daddy and I just look at each other and wonder how we got so lucky as to be your parents.

I look forward to the next age and stage of your life. You are becoming so independent that at times it is hard for me. I want to protect you and to do everything for you. I want to shelter you from the world around you, but I also want you to learn to fly on your own. I know that I have to learn to release control so that you can figure out who and what you want to me. I apologize in advance for all of the times that I will fail at this. Remember that everything I do--I do because I love you so much that the fear of anything happening to you is all-consuming, crippling even. So remember that as you grow. You carry my heart with you--so take care not to break it.

Happy Birthday to my Pooper, Pipies, Pip Pip, Pesto Pipes, and Piper. You are the greatest thing that I have ever done. You are my ever changing masterpiece. I love you more than all the cookies in the grocery store and stars in the sky. I was the first to love you, and I will love you forever. You are the most precious gift I have ever received. I am so thankful each and every day for you. Thank you for being my daughter.

So enjoy your day! I have worked tirelessly on your Minnie Mouse themed party. This weekend all of your family--real and adopted--will gather together to celebrate you. You can have as many cupcakes as you can hold. May you love each and every present you open. You so deserve it!

Happy 2nd Birthday!
I love you!

Love,
Mommy

Raising A Princess

There are times that I feel panic. I get that hitch in my throat and sinking feeling in my stomach. When it comes in my little P--I worry that every little thing I do or say is not the right thing. I worry about ruining her, spoiling her, and molding her into a self-centered little princess. BUT I think that it is natural to have these moments. I think it would say something if I didn't.

Maybe it comes from a lack of confidence in myself as a mom, but I have these moments occasionally. How do I teach her to stand up for herself while also understanding how and when she should be selfless? How do I teach her manners, grace, poise, and yet also encourage her to play wildly, love passionately, dance and sing whenever she wants? How, How, How... That is the million dollar question.

And I think I know the answer that most of you would tell me, "you can't ever be sure." There is no way to guarantee that she will grow up to be all of the these things, but the beauty is that there is also no way to guarantee that she will not be these things. Could the answer be as simple as just loving her, protecting her, and keeping her safe? Doesn't there have to be more than that?

I try to remember how my mom was with me and be like that with my daughter. I'm my mom--version 2.0. New and slightly improved--ya know--for the times. I spend hours working on birthdays. I try to make holidays doubly special. I play tea party. I discipline when I have to. I give up on discipline when I shouldn't. I indulge her sometimes, and stand firm others. I stress manners most of the time, but I still laugh when she burps and farts (I know mom, that is encouraging the behavior). I just can't help it. Despite all of that--I am continually amazed at how wonderful my princess is. 

Lately P has started to say thank you when I hand her things. I always praise her and tell her that she is, "so polite." So then I thought about how she learned that. I never demanded that phrase for her. So how did she learn it? That is when the panic set in, maybe it was daycare that taught her that, and not me. Is that something I need to work on? Am I dropping the manners ball? Is that a thing? But once I calmed down I realized...that I tell her thank you multiple times a day. When she brings me something I say, "thank you, Piper." SO...I am not dropping that ball. She is learning it from me.

She is always watching me, and she is learning and molding herself to be just like me. That is a scary thought. I don't know that I want her to be just like me. I want Piper to be the improved version of me. It definitely makes you think before you let that F bomb slip. 

When I was pregnant--and random people on the street used to offer me parenting advice--because apparently that is appropriate--someone once told me this, "no matter what you do you will never be the best mom, but you will also never be the worst mom." I have taken comfort in those words multiple times. I try not to worry. I try not to stress. I try not to calculate how I should behave so as to instill a certain trait in P. I try just to love her, protect her, play with her, and show her that to me she is perfection. But I fail at that a lot. 

Worrying is what moms do. I will raise my little princess and I will love all of those flaws that she will undoubtedly have. That is what is going to make her special, unique, and beautiful. I've just got to remember that all of the time. 

Happy Tuesday, Y'all

Happy New Year!

It's 2016! That feels so weird to type. AND even weirder to think. It makes me feel old, and indeed I do feel pretty old these days.

So long to 2015--you were a pretty spectacular friend. I will be sorry in many ways to see you go, but I am one who is always looking ahead for the "what is next," stage in my life. 

2015 was my first full calendar year as a mother. Therefore, it was pretty amazing. 2015 saw me become really comfortable with that title and role in my life. Being P's mommy is what I consider to be one of my most important jobs. I fall more in love with her with each new stage in her development. She is pretty amazing, if I do say so myself. 

The new year means that my girl is about to grow another year older. P is almost 2. I'm not going to get all sappy on you in this post--there will be a whole other post for that on her actual birthday. 

I have spent the majority of my holiday time off with P. I cannot tell you how much I have enjoyed being with her 24-7. I am once again amazed by how quickly she learns, grows, and changes. She is very different from the child I brought home from baby school the Friday before Christmas. Her sentences have gotten longer, she is sleeping better. She has been having far less tantrums. It hurts my heart in a way because I know that all of this progress is because she is happy to have the extra time with both of her parents. Going back to school next Monday will be very hard for all of us. Keep us in your thoughts and prayers.

I know that this is probably the most politically incorrect statement ever, but "if you don't have a little girl--you just don't know what you are missing." This past week and a half has reaffirmed in me that I was meant for this life and this life was meant for me. I am far luckier to have her than she is me. Dang it--I promised no sap. Oh- Well!

2015 saw a lot of personal and professional growth in our family. I re-entered the classroom. J switched schools and took a head coaching job. I also started coaching again. We bought a house, moved, and are still perfecting our home. P started baby school and is really flourishing in that environment--for the most part. When I look back at all that we have accomplished this year--it makes me that much more excited for 2016. 

I love that each new year prompts me to look back and reflect on myself. There are many positives and negatives. I have come a long way for some of my goals, and I have dropped the ball in many other areas. Once again, I am reminded that life for me is all about balance. When any one area of my life gets too much attention--I struggle to function and everyone loses. So the theme that I am going to TRY to focus on in 2016 is balance. Most days I struggle to be an awesome mother, wife, and teacher all in the same day. But guess what, I am smart enough to recognize that there are a lot of women out there that feel the same way. I take comfort in that. 

So here's to you my fellow sisters. Here is to our beautiful babies, our rockin' post baby bodies, our helpful husbands, and our busy careers. I truly do believe that we can and will together have it all. It's just the matter of getting it all together for each individual day.

Happy New Year Y'all

Caroline

Happy Birthday J!

Happy Birthday, Daddy.

Thank you for always letting me chase you around the kitchen.

 For giving me many "oy veh's" every night before bed. 

I love how you rake all of the leaves into big piles and leave them there for me so that I can tromp through them with squeals of laughter that fill the back yard. 

Thanks for giving me baths every night, I am sorry that I don't really like them much anymore and refuse to sit down. I am sorry that I got your shorts all wet last night. I was in a bad mood. 

Thanks for being patient with me. 

Thank you for convincing Mommy that it is ok to play Ring Around the Rosie in the house before bed every night. Can we please have four time tonight in celebration of your birthday instead of just 3? 

Thank you for agreeing to read whatever book I choose before bed--even if it is a really long one.

 Thank you for not being angry when I wake you at night, and for rocking me back to sleep when I don't feel well. 

I really love how you play tea party with me. You always drink your cup so fast and tell me how good the tea was! I love that! 

Thank you for teaching me to play soccer, and how to kick and throw the ball. I enjoy playing with you. 

Thank you for singing at the top of your lungs with me. It makes me not be so shy to sing.

 I can tell that you really love spending time with me, and that I all I could ever hope for from you.

 

Thanks for being the best daddy in the world! Thanks for just being you. 

I love you,

Love Piper

O Hanukkah

My husband and I come from different faiths, and while it doesn't seem to make a difference to either one of us--it does confuse and astound some people in our community. Since I came back into the classroom--I have had a few questions here and there about how we navigate the whole religion thing. I always change the subject quickly, but I understand where the questions come from. Especially around the holidays. People want to know if we are celebrating Hanukkah or Christmas.

The answer to that question is that we celebrate both. When I say that we celebrate them--I do mean it very loosely. Neither J or I go to church or synagogue frequently. Therefore, our celebration of the holidays is more focused on family tradition and celebrating eachother and spending time together than it is about religion. 

This year it has been a bit more pronounced because it is the first holiday season that P can really interact well. She loves our Christmas tree, and claps as we light the menorah. She loves singing O Christmas Tree, but would probably prefer the Hanukkah, O Hanukkah or Dreidel, Dreidel, Dreidel. She gets a few gifts for Hanukkah, and has a big haul for Christmas. 

When people ask me if I care which religion she chooses I always say, she can choose one or none at all. That is not what it is about to me. I am going to do things the way that I have always done them. I am going to give her the same type of holiday memories that I had growing up, and I hope that my husband can do the same for her. I definitely don't think she will be worse off for knowing both sets of traditions. I actually think she will be better off for it. 

One day, I hope she looks back on her childhood and appreciates that we didn't make a choice for her, but that we embraced what we love about each religion and taught her tolerance and love through each. 

Have a GREAT Weekend!

The Case For A Baby--Why I Decided to Have Children

This post has been weighing heavy on my heart for the past week or so. It was sparked by a comment of one of my Facebook friends who has decided not to have children because she does not want to "sacrifice her marriage". It got me thinking, and doing some research. I came across article after article claiming that  more of my generation is choosing not to have children than any generation before them. First of all, let me just say that I take these articles with a grain of salt. As a history teacher, I know that there is bias in everything and that there are many, many different factors at play in why more people are choosing not to reproduce. BUT--I also cannot ignore the fact that this is true in most of the developed world. More people are electing to live child-less. So why is that?

In the articles that I read the authors claim several reasons why people chose not to reproduce. 1. She never had the desire to have children growing  up. 2. She is in love with her current life, and wouldn't want to give it up for a life she does not know would make her happy. 3. She believes children harm marriages and cause divorce 4. Her career is more important to her than having children. 5. She feels like she isn't good with kids/ kids don't like her/ she has no maternal instincts. As I read this--I couldn't help but feel sad. Sad because I feel like some women may be out there thinking that it is not possible to have children and have a good marriage and a satisfying career.

When I was engaged, and we talked about having a family--I had some doubts too. I had never held a baby before my own. Seriously! I had no knowledge of whether I had or would have maternal instincts. I worried about that a lot. I don't particularly like little children--or I didn't before having P. I think that it is a natural feeling to worry about not being able to do it "right".  I'm not sure what that even means, but I understand the worry. I felt it too. The weight of raising and molding a child is enormous and I get that some people feel that they are not "with it" enough to take that on. I feel not "with it" a lot, but I'm still doing it everyday, and I'm pretty proud so far.

As far as my career goes--I can think of several things that are more important to me than my career. Teaching is what I do, but the relationships I have are what defines me, and being P's Mommy is one of the most important ways that I now define myself and my own happiness. She is a huge motivator for me. She doesn't hinder me from doing my job, but then again, I have never been one to make my job my biggest priority. A loft of women have very demanding and successful careers, and yet they have very large families. P's Pediatrician has EIGHT children! She works a lot, and I have come to refer to her (only in my head) as superwoman. I would just hate to think that in this day and age a woman feels like they have to choose between being truly successful in their career and having children if that is what they want.

I loved my life before P was born. I enjoyed the freedom, late nights, and last minute vacations. Sometimes I even miss that life. But I guess it all boils down to the idea that for me even though I loved my life and was completely happy--I always felt like there was something more. AND not just because society told me I SHOULD have children, but because deep down--I felt LED to have them. When I looked into the future and thought about my life at 70 or 80--when I can't travel anymore, and late nights are less appealing...I know I would wish I had children. Not just to take care of me, but that is true as well, but also to enrich my life. Of the greatest memories I have--P is in most of them.

Now for the marriage aspect. Children can cause a lot of problems in a marriage. J and I disagree about things with P occasionally, and I think that that is normal. BUT ultimately I think divorce is caused by the people in the marriage and not by the children it produces. Sure children mean less time to spend with your spouse alone, but it does make you see your spouse in a whole new light. Having children together brings on a whole new closeness. You really have to depend on each other. You become even more of a team. I think it has brought us closer.

So here is my message--in case you wondered if there was going to be a point here--if you feel like you are on the fence about it, then ask yourself this question. What is most important to you? How do you picture your life at 70 or 80? I was on the fence once or twice, but I can say definitively that I have never once regretted it. Not one single time--except--nope not even then. In fact, I hope to do it again, one day.

Women shouldn't feel like they should have to make excuses why they chose not to have children. Women shouldn't have to explain why they chose to have more than 3 children (which I feel has become an issue these days as well). I mean--god forbid anybody would want to have more than 3 children--that can't possibly be financially responsible--right. I think I am gagging right now. UGH!

A decision as important as bringing a child into this world should come from someone who has carefully looked at their life and what they want out of it, and decided that it would be better with a child in it, and not because we are scared of what the world will say if we chose not to. It should also not depend on us worrying that we can't have it all--marriage, career, and happy children. There is a way to make it work. I see it happening every single day.

There--weight lifted.
Happy Wednesday, Y'all

Live in the Moment

As an adult I spend a lot of my time just wishing for the next thing. I welcome each coming day of the week so that I can quickly get to the weekend. Why? Because I so desperately want to sit in my pajamas on my couch and do nothing. I want to vegetate and binge watch my TV shows and just exist. BUT that is not what happens for me anymore. That is not my life now. And that is the both the biggest blessing and somewhat of a curse.

Saturday was a horrible day for me. J was going out with friends, and I was planning on having a great day with P. We were going to play all morning, and then go shopping after her nap in the afternoon. Well--as most plans go--mine went to waste. P was running a fever, she was clingy, irritable, and she wouldn't sleep. I spent the majority of the morning trying to make her happy, and the afternoon letting her snooze in my arms. Here is the truth, ladies. I felt annoyed at her.

I was annoyed that she had ruined my only full day off this weekend. I was annoyed that she didn't give me a break during the day to do what I wanted to do. I was annoyed that she wouldn't sleep in her bed so that I could shower and eat. I was just annoyed. As I sat there rocking her in her dark room in silence with only the whoosh of the fake waves from her sound machine--I let the guilt of that fact wash over me. She was sick. She didn't feel well. She couldn't get comfortable. And guess where she was most comfortable--on me. On her mother. I can't tell you when the last time I held my child while she slept was. So I felt guilty that I didn't feel happy about doing that for her. I should revel in being her safe place, her place of comfort, and her home.

So I studied and counted her light snores, and inhaled deeply the smell of her hair. I rubbed her little fingers, and rocked, and rocked, and rocked. Because I now remembered the last time I had held her while she slept. It was when she was 6 months old. Over a year ago.

On Sunday afternoon when P once again was having a hard time napping through her cold and ear infection. I readily volunteered to go up and lay with her. I brought her into our bed and cuddled her close to me. She went back to sleep and so did I. This time--I was very happy. Sure, I didn't get to catch up on all my shows. And I didn't finish all of our Christmas shopping. But I was there for that little girl of mine. These moments are not wonderful all of the time, but they are all together wonderful. I am lucky to have a little reminder of that each and every day.

Happy Monday, Y'all