Bitter-sweet Moments

If you have been visiting with me since the beginning, you know that one of the biggest reasons that I decided to breastfeed was because I wanted to prevent my little P from getting sick. I am happy to report that other than one little case of the sniffles P has been 100% healthy her entire first year of life. The one think that BF couldn't protect her from was teething pain. Little Girl, or LG for short (I have started to call her this lately and cannot stop!) has been doing great with teething up until this week where she is cutting 4 teeth at the same time.

I find myself dealing with, a semi-sick baby. She is irritable, and having a hard time sleeping (naps only) because of the pain. Poor LG has become increasingly clingy. She stays close to me, and often wants to crawl in my lap and lay her little head down on my shoulder and whine.

Yesterday she laid on my shoulder and watched a whole 15 minute episode of the wiggles without cracking a smile or lifting her head. She is usually bouncing and dancing along. I knew that she was in real pain. So I reached for the Motrin (which I hate giving her) and decided that it wasn't worth letting her be in this much pain. None of the other remedies were helping her, and she needed some relief. She slept all night and awoke this morning with a smile on her face. I hope that she is able to dance again today.

Days like yesterday are bitter-sweet for this momma. I know that the times that she will lie with me and watch a show are few and far between. I understand that the moments in which she will sleep on my shoulder are not infinitely numbered. So while I am sad for her because I know that she is in pain. I couldn't help but spend the time smiling as I lightly stroked her brown curls and inhaled deeply the lingering scent of baby. Toddler days are so busy that there are not many moments usually to spend holding, caressing, kissing, and hugging. I will be thankful for each and every one I can get, even in the worst of circumstances.

Do you secretly love sick cuddles with your little one?

Piper's First Birthday Party--An Overview

Onesie, Tutu, and Bow by The Paper Duck

On Saturday we had P's first birthday party. It was a big success and I am so excited to share all of the details with all of you! Our theme was Look WHOOs One (owls). As I mentioned in my post last week--I planned this party over five months because I wanted to spread out the money and the stress of the party. I also had a lot of help from family to ease the financial burden just a bit.

Happy Birthday Banner by The Little Red Wagon

First of all let me tell you how amazing my little miss P did at her party. She was very pleasant despite missing her second nap completely. She only cried a little bit when we changed her clothes to do her smash cake. I was terrified of the way that she would react considering she usually does not like strange people talking to her or touching her. She was passed around like a hot potato-- and took it all in stride. Like I always say--I doubt her and she makes me pay for it. I was so very proud of her.

Smash Cake by Shakeata

We learned that P LOVES Chick-Fil-A chicken nuggets at her party. We had a large tray of nuggets, and I fed her a bite from one of my nuggets and she ate the remainder of nuggets on my plate. I know, I shouldn't be surprised since my girl can eat. BUT she is very picky and you just never know what she will like. She doesn't like macaroni and cheese--so I won't put anything past her. What kid doesn't like mac and cheese? Seriously! She did so good with her cake. She didn't cry when everyone was singing to her (like I feared she would). She dug right into her cake and ate very neatly without making much of a mess at all.

We also learned that P doesn't really like to share her toys. What little toddler her age does? She pitched a little mini fit when another baby took one of her toys at the party. After that we pretty much just kept her away from the toy station where the rest of her baby friends spent most of their time.

We had a pretty big crowd at her party and consider ourselves very lucky to have such a large and strong support system. I have always been one to have a small group of quality friends--I am loving the new friendships that P has brought into my life in the form of my mommy friends. I have found them to be an endless source of support, love and knowledge over the last 12 months and I hope that we will continue to grow in our friendship over the next 17 years.

 J and I were also blessed to have both of our families and extended families present at P's party. Real and honorary Aunts, Uncles, and Grandparents were there. It struck me that the last time all of those people were in the same room at the same time was our wedding two years ago. That had me a little teary eyed. I am so very blessed to have all of these people in my life, and I am even more blessed that my baby girl gives us a reason to get together and celebrate once a year. She is so loved by so many.

There is nothing I would rather do than celebrate this life that I have. P is everything I expected she would be and so much more than I hoped for. My heart was very full as I looked around the room. You could just feel the love. I look forward to planning the future birthdays (even though I do think I set the bar way too high with this one).

I want to give credit for each aspect of the party. Below are the credits for the decor at the party. I have included links and contact information as well. I would also love to hear about fun things you did with your little one's party. I am always looking for new fun ideas. 

Picture garland made with twine and mini clothes pins I bought from Hobby Lobby

Credits for the Party:

Birthday, Dot, and Highchair Banner as well as Owls and 1s for centerpieces--Diana from The Little Red Wagon Etsy Shop (future review post coming). Shop her adorable stuff here.

 Dot banner pictured in background Highchair banner pictured below. Invitation and monogram label on centerpiece made by me.

P's Birthday Outfit--Anna from The Paper Duck

Anna and I grew up together--literally she lived right next door. She makes the cutest shirts, bows, tutus, banners, and various other party items. All of her items wear well and are excellent quality. She is local (Atlanta area), she has a VERY quick turnaround, and takes credit cards. She is my go to for all of P's personalized holiday outfits. Check her out here.

Chalkboard food labels, invitation, and birthday print poster and framed signs--Made by yours truly using PicMonkey and GIMP. I have my own etsy shop you can order them at here. I can make lots of designs. Just contact me with ideas.

Smash cake and Cupcakes by Shakeata.

Shakeata is a co-worker of my moms. She is always our person for adorable sweet creations. You can contact her at meringue81@yahoo.com. You can send her pictures of what you are looking for and she can make it happen! She is so talented.

The plain green and turquoise cupcakes are special order from Publix

The table clothes, paper plates, cups, lime green, turquoise, hot pink trays, and silverware were from Party City. The adorable Lime green Burlap table squares were made by my God Mother. The white serving ware is B. Smith brand from Bed Bath and Beyond. 

Thanks for all of your well wishes and virtual love for P's Birthday. We really appreciate it.

Piper's First Birthday Letter

January 13, 2015

Dear Piper,

Today is your first birthday. I can't believe how quickly your first year of life has gone by. It seems like the day you were born was just a week ago. I can remember it all so vividly. I remember how I felt the first time I saw you. I remember what my life was like before you--but I cannot imagine my life without you. I everything before you were born feels like it is in a haze. I feel like becoming your mother has opened my mind to see the world in different ways.

 It truly is amazing how quickly you have grown. I have to start off by telling you how emotional this day has made me. Right now I just want you to stay this little baby. I have enjoyed the last year with you so very much that I do not want it to end. At the same time, I so look forward to the little girl you are becoming.

I am not completely sure of your weight--I will find out at your doctors appointment on Friday. I am guessing that it is somewhere around 24 pounds. You are really tall and still have the cutest little pot belly that I have ever seen. What can I say? You love to eat. Your favorite foods are cheese and bread. You will eat almost any kind of bread I throw at you from bagels to cake. You love shredded cheese, and especially cream cheese on a bagel.

You are quite the handful now. You have really started taking off walking in the last week before your birthday. You love to walk from the couch to your play kitchen and even around in circles. You babble non-sense constantly--although I am sure it makes perfect sense to you. You hardly ever miss a chance to sway and dance along to music. I hope you never lose that quality. You love watching The Wiggles in my lap. I don't mind at all because while you watch them--I can watch you. You are like a sponge. Everything is so new and exciting. You have no knowledge of any of the unpleasantness that is out there in our world. You are carefree and you love without bounds. I would give anything to be like you.

Almost nightly, Your daddy and I sneak in to your room and watch you sleep. We marvel at how truly beautiful you are. You have the longest eyelashes and the most gorgeous plump lips. You still have my green eyes, and I am hoping they will stay that way forever--but if they don't, then I have a feeling I will love their new color even more.

You love to play with our cat, Finder. You like to pet her and scratch her head. You often try to bite her. I have caught you dragging her by her tail once and by a clump of fur on her belly a few more times. She didn't really seem to mind. I know that she loves you a lot. She tries to sneak in your room to sleep with you at night, but we are afraid that she would wake you. Maybe one day soon we will let her. You also love our dog, Callie. You so badly want to play with her--but she is just not too sure about you. You see, she was mommy's girl before you came along, and she is not too happy about being replaced. She does love to hang out around your high chair while you are eating. You think it is hilarious to feed her your unwanted scraps.

You have a pretty big vocabulary. I am really impressed with the number of words and sounds that you can make. So far you have said: mama, dada, doggy, kitty, hi, bye, hey, cheese, tree, good, light, right, and eye. I think that it indicates that you will be one smart little girl.

Within the last two weeks you have fallen in love with books. Before you would hardly sit still for an entire book, but now you almost cry when I finish reading one and beg for me to read it again. Your favorite books are Brown Bear Brown Bear, What Do You See? and The Very Hungry Caterpillar. Those are usually the first ones you pull off your shelf every night before bed. You love to take baths as well. AND you sleep 12 hours at night and have since you were 9 months old. Overall you have been a very good baby. If your dad and I never have another it is because we are afraid that we would get the other end of the spectrum next time.

On Saturday we are having your first birthday party. All of your friends and family are going to gather together to celebrate you. It's an owl theme because we have owls in your nursery. I am hoping that you will smash your cake into a billion pieces. I am sure that I will shed more than a few tears. One day you will understand why I cry at the drop of a hat when it comes to you. It is emotional loving someone as much as I love you.

So, happy first birthday baby Piper. Today you are officially no longer  a baby to the outside world. You are a toddler. On the inside I know the truth--you will always be my baby girl. There is something really special that happens to a woman when she gives birth to a little girl--she becomes a mother. An irrationally protective, endlessly silly, yet constantly crying-- mother. Being a mother is so much more than I thought it was. It means caring and thinking of someone else before yourself. No one ever told me that having you would break my heart and rebuild it to be twice as big. I now know that I am capable of unconditional all-consuming love. In life--it just doesn't get any better than that. I thank you so much for giving me that gift. I promise I will try my hardest to be the best mother I can. I love you.

Love,
Mom

Planning A Party For A One Year Old

I can't wait for P's first birthday party on Saturday! I have spent months preparing and planning for this party. I wanted to go a bit big for her first birthday party because, well--It's the first one. Also, I feel that it is a celebration for J and I as well. And by J--I mostly mean me. One year ago--I did all of the work pushing that girl out. I should be able to celebrate that in a big way.

Planning a big party for a baby that is not going to remember it can be daunting--especially when you are trying to keep it from becoming ridiculously expensive. Here are some tips that I think have helped me.

1. Have it at your own home if you are able
If you don't have to rent a place to have it--then you have cut out a huge expense. For us--we did not want to have it at home for several reasons. We opted for a neighborhood clubhouse, instead.

2. Plan months ahead
I started planning P's birthday when she was about 7 months old. I did this for several reason, but mostly because I wanted to spread the cost of the party out over several months. I think that this is a great way to keep it from feeling like a shot in the wallet. I tried to spread out the cost as much as possible. BUT a lot of it still piles up to the end. Food and such.

3. Pick a theme and stick to it
I knew immediately that I was going to do an owl theme for P's party. Not because she likes them, but because I do, and because owls are all over her nursery and it was what she was for Halloween. It just made sense to me. Once I had that nailed down. I kept my eye out for owl decoration.

4. Make as much of the decorations yourself as you can
I really wanted to have cute food labels and invitations. I had an idea in my head and I couldn't really find anything that matched my vision. I have always been fairly crafty and good with technology--so I took to the internet via Google and figured out how to make my vision come to life. I used Picmonkey to make a chevron and polka dot background and I used that same background for a lot of the decor. More about this in a later post. I was able to do her invitations for about $10. I used GIMP to make her Birthday Chalkboard print and had it printed at Wal-Mart for $5. Talk about awesome!

5. Get your family involved
Some people would feel uncomfortable with this one, but I am not. I asked my Mom, Cousin, and MIL to help out with bringing food for the party. This just helps to spread out the burden of the cost of food. I also will be borrowing a cupcake tree and drink canisters from my God-mother.

6. Use what you have around the house
Another reason I chose owls is that I already had a lot of owl decorations that I knew I could take to the party and reuse. P's room is full of stuff that we will be packing up and taking with us on Saturday. I made a lot of signs that needed to go into frames. Instead of buying new frames for them--I just placed them in frames we already had around the house. After the party I will just place the original pictures back in them.

7. Find a good Etsy shop for the things you can't make
I was very fortunate to find an Etsy shop owner to collaborate with on P's party. I reached out to her and we made a deal for several items. I think you can get really good deals if you are willing to establish a relationship with the seller. I also wanted someone local so I could meet up and not have to pay shipping costs. That keeps prices down.

Overall planning P's party was a lot of work--but I had so much fun with the whole process. I can't wait to share the finished product with all of you.

Happy Monday!

The Birthday Blues

I have yet to experience any sort of birthday blues when it comes time to celebrate being another year older. I have always welcomed each coming year of age. That is partially because I am still in my 20s--albeit, late 20s. I am sure number 30 will be slightly different for me. However, at this point I have always felt that I am in the general area that I expected to be in my life by this age. There are a few things that I would still like to do before I am 30--like be in my "forever" home and possibly planning on another child. Never-the-less, I feel at peace with growing older myself. So why do I feel such uneasiness and almost down right depression when it comes to P turning one?

I should be happy right? I should be thrilled to have survived this first year. I find myself dreaming about the day she was born. I'm crazy, right? This can't be normal. Wishing to be in labor again over celebrating having a perfectly healthy, beautiful, energetic 1 year old? I am not sure what it is, and I am not sure how to deal with the emotions that I feel. I am at a loss here. 

I have often felt that I could not control my mood and my emotions even before getting pregnant with P. I definitely have had that feeling, as well, since her birth. The last two weeks, I have been quiet, angry, snappy, and easily frustrated. I find myself watching a video I made for P's party (that I will share with you soon) and sobbing during her naps. 

I guess my point for this post is two fold. I want to know that I am not crazy. Some of you moms out there have experienced this, right? I'm not completely crazy? I just want someone to reaffirm these feelings as normal. Secondly, I want to vent and get it out because I always feel better after writing about my feelings. As someone that is typically very close to the chest with their feelings and emotions. I have no problem expressing them through writing. My audience is my greatest therapist in some ways. 

I am hoping that these feelings will get easier or disappear with each of P's Birthdays. Am I always going to feel this way when it comes to her growing up? It is so funny because J always says, "You have 17 years left with her in our house, plenty of time." In his mind 17 years is a ton of time. The whole time he is saying that I am thinking, "only 17 years." In the grand scheme of life 18 years with your child is not that much. If they live to be 80, then that is only 1/4 of their life. Again this may be irrational, but that is how I think. And I am with her all day every day. I have probably spent a grand total of 3 full days away from the child since she was born, and I would have preferred not to do that as well. I'm sick, right? Here comes that obsessive personality that I have (thanks, Dad). No amount of time with P is ever going to feel like enough to me. I want more. 

Endless snuggles, hugs, and kisses. Plenty of her sleeping on my chest and my shoulder. Hours of times watching the Wiggles on my lap. Countless agonizing hours spoon feeding and bottle feeding. Some parents look at them as the things they can't wait to be done with. They want out of this stage and into the self-sufficient stages of their child's life. Give me your unwanted hours. I will take them all.

How do you deal with the birthday blues and your babies growing up? Does it get easier with each coming year? Am I completely crazy, or only slightly?

Weaning for the Exclusive Pumper

It's that time people! It's time to wean. First of all, I just have to give myself a HUGE pat on the back for this one. I am going to make it to P's first birthday without her ever having a drop of formula( not that there is anything wrong with formula feeding). I breastfed exclusively for 2 months and pumped exclusively for the other 10. As far as commitment goes--exclusively pumping is one of the biggest ones I have taken on. You know, other than marriage and motherhood. It ranks a good 3--I guess. Anywho--I never would have thought that I would make it till 1 year when I first started exclusively pumping. I hated it so much. You can read my rant about it here.

Nevertheless, I will admit that I am a little sad to be giving it up. There are a few reason for this. One, Breastfeeding helps to keep the weight off. I am more than happy to be sitting here weighing 5 pounds less than I did before getting pregnant with P. Two, I just love the idea that I was able to sustain P with my body alone for so long. I mean--it's cool, right? What's your superpower? I birthed a human and fed her successfully for a year. Take that! Three, giving it up means that P is a year old. ONE YEAR OLD. I know, I know, get over it already. I promise I am going to stop complaining soon--but not yet. Oh why, why, why does my baby girl have to grow up? Can't she just be little forever?

Oh yeah, back to the topic at hand--weaning. Weaning was not unlike most undertakings that I have come across in my motherhood journey. I knew it was time to start the transition and I started doing my research. There are some different ideas about how to do it. A lot of women who exclusively BF--they just let their babies regulate them and wean naturally. As much as I would love to do that--it was not an option for me. Therefore--I have to decrease my milk production myself and try to stay as comfortable as possible. I am now down to only 1 pump a day and feel only slight discomfort at times that is totally manageable.  So--here are my tips for all my exclusive pumping friends out there.

1. Weaning can and should go with whole milk transition
I started the process of switching P to whole milk at the same time that I started weaning. It just makes sense to me. I do know a lot of women who wean before they transition to whole milk for their babies because they have a freezer stash big enough to sustain their babies. I had one too that I could have used--IF P would drink frozen milk. She just became such a picky milk drinker (we struggled with milk intake mightily for months) that she wouldn't drink the frozen milk. So I literally threw out around 500 ounces of milk. And by I--I mean J. I made him do it when I was asleep so that I wouldn't have to see it. I would have cried my eyes out. I donated all that was fresh enough and had him toss the rest--sigh! If your baby is like mine--then you can follow my same plan.

2. Use the 4 day rule
This rule applies to both transitioning to whole milk and weaning. With whole milk transitioning--every four days I up the percentage of whole milk in each of p's bottle by 1/4. So the first 4 days she was  on 3 ounces breast milk and 1 ounce whole milk in each bottle. Then it goes to 50-50, and then 75-25. At the same time I dropped from four pumps to three pumps. Four days later I was at 2 pumps. Then 1, and then none. Both processes take 12 days. By the thirteenth day P will be on whole milk and I will be free of the pump. PERFECTO!
For those of you who like charts and are visual-- here is a chart that I made

3. Decrease the quality of your Pumpings
Usually before I drop a pump I will stop worrying about how much I am getting from that pumping and instead just pump for relief. This helps to keep you from being really uncomfortable when you drop the pumping. I usually just cut my pumps a few minutes short each day during that 4 day cycle.

I hope this helps all of you out there in my situation. If you are not there yet--just file it away for future reference.

How did you wean, or what are your plans for when you do?

Happy New Year--2014 Wrap up

Happy New Year Everyone! I hope you all had tons of fun ringing in 2015. As for me--I didn't make it to midnight. I was sound asleep as the clock struck 12 and I am not the least bit sad about it. When you have young children under 1--well New Years is just another night. Regardless--I hope you all partied the night away.

I have mixed emotions about 2015. 2014 was such an amazing year for me. It will always be the year that made me a mommy. I don't think there is another year that can top that. 2015 brings me a 1 year old--and that is something that you know I am having a hard time with. Never-the-less, here are a few things that I learned in 2014.

1. I am a baby person
I think people usually fall into the categories of either a baby person, kid person, or no kids person. I am definitely a baby person. I have loved the first year of P's life so much. I treasure the memories of nursing her by the window as it snowed outside and of her sleeping away on my chest as I read a book. Those tiny human moments are the most engrained on my memory. They way she smelled, looked, felt, and sounded. I just love babies. When I think back on the first few months--I don't remember it being exhausting, yet I know that it was. It's that selective amnesia. I think God gives it to us so that we will choose to have more children. We don't remember the bad times--but we cannot forget the good times.

2. My husband is not a baby person
This has been a hard thing for me to accept. While J loves P like a fat kid loves cake--he just doesn't enjoy babies. The crying makes him anxious--well--the unknown of having a new baby makes him anxious. He is an anxious person. He probably wouldn't agree with that analysis, but it is true from an outsider's perspective. He doesn't enjoy those same things about baby-hood that I do. He is a kid person. He loves the toddler age the best. He loves to interact with them and play non-stop. That is the kind of Dad that I saw when I first started dating him. The kind of dad that I wanted for my future children. It is the dad that is and will be to P, and I am grateful for that. So while I know that he doesn't like that baby stage much, he was an amazing support during that time of P's life. AND if we ever have another--I know that he will be as supportive as he can.

3. Being a work from home mom has got to be one of the hardest jobs on the planet
When I started working from home it was always with the idea that I would be able to work from home and raise my children at the same time. Like so many things in life--I had this romantic idea of what it meant to be a work from home mom. I would have time to do everything--cook, clean, watch The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, work, and make cute hand print crafts with P. I have found that working from home is certainly not how I pictured it. I don't cook unless I am making P an egg for breakfast or myself a sandwich for lunch. I don't clean unless there is some sort of accident. I never have time to watch T.V.--and if I do it is most certainly going to be The Wiggles or Mickey Mouse Clubhouse. AND--I have never made a hand print craft, or played in shaving cream or any of the other cute things you see those moms doing on their blogs. If you were a fly on the wall in my house most days you would see me sitting on my couch with my lap top in my lap while P plays on the floor. There is not much time for anything other than the necessities.

4. I am a homebody and I love it
I rarely, if ever, miss going out. I enjoy being at home. I love spending time with J and P. My favorite nights are spent cuddled up in bed watching Dallas on DVD. There is no place I would rather be--except for maybe Hawaii. You may think that I am crazy, but it is just a whole bunch of work to leave the house these days. If P is coming--then by the time you get her to the destination you are ready to turn around and come home. I just haven't figured out how to be one of those parents who just takes their kid everywhere. It's totally my fault that P is not used to going out. She is so scheduled down to the minute that any change has huge ramifications and I am just not going to do that to myself. This is something I vow to work on this year.

5. My capacity for love is endless
Before P was born I worried (secretly) that I wouldn't love her. I know--it's horrible. I think that it is a rational fear though. You hear so much about post-partum depression and how these moms don't feel for their babies right away. I was scared to death that my heart just wouldn't open up for her. I had hope for this child ever since I was told that it may be a struggle for me to have my own children naturally. I had convinced myself that it would never happen. So when I did get pregnant I was so happy--and so terrified that something would go wrong. When P was born it was like a light went on in my life. It is so hard to describe the feeling--but it was like waking up from a deep sleep. I felt as if she was the missing piece of the puzzle. She made me who I wanted to be. I am the best part of myself now that I have her. I now realize that my capacity for love is endless. I will continue to love her more with each new transition of life. Loving something and someone so completely teaches you more about yourself and about life. There is no better feeling in the world.

So, bring it on 2015. Let this be the year that we buy our long awaited forever (at least for now) home. Once we do that I think that we will finally feel that we belong in this area of the state. I am looking forward to P becoming a little girl and all the changes that she will go through. I am elated to be letting go of pumping and welcoming P's first birthday with as few tears as possible. But above all I am looking forward to the memories that this year will bring my family.

Hugs,
Caroline