Weaning for the Exclusive Pumper

It's that time people! It's time to wean. First of all, I just have to give myself a HUGE pat on the back for this one. I am going to make it to P's first birthday without her ever having a drop of formula( not that there is anything wrong with formula feeding). I breastfed exclusively for 2 months and pumped exclusively for the other 10. As far as commitment goes--exclusively pumping is one of the biggest ones I have taken on. You know, other than marriage and motherhood. It ranks a good 3--I guess. Anywho--I never would have thought that I would make it till 1 year when I first started exclusively pumping. I hated it so much. You can read my rant about it here.

Nevertheless, I will admit that I am a little sad to be giving it up. There are a few reason for this. One, Breastfeeding helps to keep the weight off. I am more than happy to be sitting here weighing 5 pounds less than I did before getting pregnant with P. Two, I just love the idea that I was able to sustain P with my body alone for so long. I mean--it's cool, right? What's your superpower? I birthed a human and fed her successfully for a year. Take that! Three, giving it up means that P is a year old. ONE YEAR OLD. I know, I know, get over it already. I promise I am going to stop complaining soon--but not yet. Oh why, why, why does my baby girl have to grow up? Can't she just be little forever?

Oh yeah, back to the topic at hand--weaning. Weaning was not unlike most undertakings that I have come across in my motherhood journey. I knew it was time to start the transition and I started doing my research. There are some different ideas about how to do it. A lot of women who exclusively BF--they just let their babies regulate them and wean naturally. As much as I would love to do that--it was not an option for me. Therefore--I have to decrease my milk production myself and try to stay as comfortable as possible. I am now down to only 1 pump a day and feel only slight discomfort at times that is totally manageable.  So--here are my tips for all my exclusive pumping friends out there.

1. Weaning can and should go with whole milk transition
I started the process of switching P to whole milk at the same time that I started weaning. It just makes sense to me. I do know a lot of women who wean before they transition to whole milk for their babies because they have a freezer stash big enough to sustain their babies. I had one too that I could have used--IF P would drink frozen milk. She just became such a picky milk drinker (we struggled with milk intake mightily for months) that she wouldn't drink the frozen milk. So I literally threw out around 500 ounces of milk. And by I--I mean J. I made him do it when I was asleep so that I wouldn't have to see it. I would have cried my eyes out. I donated all that was fresh enough and had him toss the rest--sigh! If your baby is like mine--then you can follow my same plan.

2. Use the 4 day rule
This rule applies to both transitioning to whole milk and weaning. With whole milk transitioning--every four days I up the percentage of whole milk in each of p's bottle by 1/4. So the first 4 days she was  on 3 ounces breast milk and 1 ounce whole milk in each bottle. Then it goes to 50-50, and then 75-25. At the same time I dropped from four pumps to three pumps. Four days later I was at 2 pumps. Then 1, and then none. Both processes take 12 days. By the thirteenth day P will be on whole milk and I will be free of the pump. PERFECTO!
For those of you who like charts and are visual-- here is a chart that I made

3. Decrease the quality of your Pumpings
Usually before I drop a pump I will stop worrying about how much I am getting from that pumping and instead just pump for relief. This helps to keep you from being really uncomfortable when you drop the pumping. I usually just cut my pumps a few minutes short each day during that 4 day cycle.

I hope this helps all of you out there in my situation. If you are not there yet--just file it away for future reference.

How did you wean, or what are your plans for when you do?

Happy New Year--2014 Wrap up

Happy New Year Everyone! I hope you all had tons of fun ringing in 2015. As for me--I didn't make it to midnight. I was sound asleep as the clock struck 12 and I am not the least bit sad about it. When you have young children under 1--well New Years is just another night. Regardless--I hope you all partied the night away.

I have mixed emotions about 2015. 2014 was such an amazing year for me. It will always be the year that made me a mommy. I don't think there is another year that can top that. 2015 brings me a 1 year old--and that is something that you know I am having a hard time with. Never-the-less, here are a few things that I learned in 2014.

1. I am a baby person
I think people usually fall into the categories of either a baby person, kid person, or no kids person. I am definitely a baby person. I have loved the first year of P's life so much. I treasure the memories of nursing her by the window as it snowed outside and of her sleeping away on my chest as I read a book. Those tiny human moments are the most engrained on my memory. They way she smelled, looked, felt, and sounded. I just love babies. When I think back on the first few months--I don't remember it being exhausting, yet I know that it was. It's that selective amnesia. I think God gives it to us so that we will choose to have more children. We don't remember the bad times--but we cannot forget the good times.

2. My husband is not a baby person
This has been a hard thing for me to accept. While J loves P like a fat kid loves cake--he just doesn't enjoy babies. The crying makes him anxious--well--the unknown of having a new baby makes him anxious. He is an anxious person. He probably wouldn't agree with that analysis, but it is true from an outsider's perspective. He doesn't enjoy those same things about baby-hood that I do. He is a kid person. He loves the toddler age the best. He loves to interact with them and play non-stop. That is the kind of Dad that I saw when I first started dating him. The kind of dad that I wanted for my future children. It is the dad that is and will be to P, and I am grateful for that. So while I know that he doesn't like that baby stage much, he was an amazing support during that time of P's life. AND if we ever have another--I know that he will be as supportive as he can.

3. Being a work from home mom has got to be one of the hardest jobs on the planet
When I started working from home it was always with the idea that I would be able to work from home and raise my children at the same time. Like so many things in life--I had this romantic idea of what it meant to be a work from home mom. I would have time to do everything--cook, clean, watch The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, work, and make cute hand print crafts with P. I have found that working from home is certainly not how I pictured it. I don't cook unless I am making P an egg for breakfast or myself a sandwich for lunch. I don't clean unless there is some sort of accident. I never have time to watch T.V.--and if I do it is most certainly going to be The Wiggles or Mickey Mouse Clubhouse. AND--I have never made a hand print craft, or played in shaving cream or any of the other cute things you see those moms doing on their blogs. If you were a fly on the wall in my house most days you would see me sitting on my couch with my lap top in my lap while P plays on the floor. There is not much time for anything other than the necessities.

4. I am a homebody and I love it
I rarely, if ever, miss going out. I enjoy being at home. I love spending time with J and P. My favorite nights are spent cuddled up in bed watching Dallas on DVD. There is no place I would rather be--except for maybe Hawaii. You may think that I am crazy, but it is just a whole bunch of work to leave the house these days. If P is coming--then by the time you get her to the destination you are ready to turn around and come home. I just haven't figured out how to be one of those parents who just takes their kid everywhere. It's totally my fault that P is not used to going out. She is so scheduled down to the minute that any change has huge ramifications and I am just not going to do that to myself. This is something I vow to work on this year.

5. My capacity for love is endless
Before P was born I worried (secretly) that I wouldn't love her. I know--it's horrible. I think that it is a rational fear though. You hear so much about post-partum depression and how these moms don't feel for their babies right away. I was scared to death that my heart just wouldn't open up for her. I had hope for this child ever since I was told that it may be a struggle for me to have my own children naturally. I had convinced myself that it would never happen. So when I did get pregnant I was so happy--and so terrified that something would go wrong. When P was born it was like a light went on in my life. It is so hard to describe the feeling--but it was like waking up from a deep sleep. I felt as if she was the missing piece of the puzzle. She made me who I wanted to be. I am the best part of myself now that I have her. I now realize that my capacity for love is endless. I will continue to love her more with each new transition of life. Loving something and someone so completely teaches you more about yourself and about life. There is no better feeling in the world.

So, bring it on 2015. Let this be the year that we buy our long awaited forever (at least for now) home. Once we do that I think that we will finally feel that we belong in this area of the state. I am looking forward to P becoming a little girl and all the changes that she will go through. I am elated to be letting go of pumping and welcoming P's first birthday with as few tears as possible. But above all I am looking forward to the memories that this year will bring my family.

Hugs,
Caroline

P's First Christmas and Becoming Santa

This Christmas was one that I will remember for many reasons. Mostly, because it was P's first. I feel in love with Christmas all over again. It takes on a different meaning. You have such amazing memories from your childhood and you realize that those traditions and memories are the biggest gift that you could ever give your child. I gto to shop for P and open all of her gifts with her. And eventhough she wasn't really aware of what was going on. It was the first time she had been around my whole side of the family at once. It was very special to me that she have that experience. This year is the first year that I experienced the other side of Santa Clause.

As a child I loved Santa! I bought into it hook, line, and sinker. I love the tradition so much! It made Christmas very exciting for me. I want to have that for my daughter! My husband, having grown up Jewish--doesn't get it. He feels that it will be lying to P. While I know that it is true that it is a lie--I still want to do it. I just have such happy memories from my childhood waking up on Christmas morning to the gifts, writing letters to Santa every year, and going to get my picture taken at the mall. I don't buy that it is about getting your child to be good all year. I don't care about that as much. I am all for any tradition that will bring a huge smile to my child's face. I know that this one will.

I suspected, but wasn't completely sure, of just how much joy I would get out of the whole process from the other side. Last week, I dragged J all around on our Santa mission. What I loved most about it was that it became time for the two of us to spend together as well. I enjoyed so much shopping for P with him. We debated on which toys would be the best. We argued about whether she was developmentally ready for a few toys. I always seemed to think that she was while he would say she wasn't quite there yet. It was a bunch of fun.

In the end I think we ended up with a few great things. J and I both agree that the gifts from Santa shouldn't be outrageously expensive. We do not want to perpetuate the idea that Santa discriminates from child to child. We don't want to ruin anyone's idea of this fun tradition. So we tried to keep it simple and practical. I am also all about keeping with things that are needed or that I have been wanting to get her for awhile.

To me it is more about spending time with your family. Growing up, it was the only time that our whole family gathered and spent the night together under one roof. That was so special to me. I am realizing that this may not always be the case as our families are growing too large for one house. My cousin has a 16 month old as well. It was so much fun watching the two babies in the house. I know for my mother and her sisters--it breathed new life into this season. My Grandmother loved Christmas so much and she always made it very special for all of us, and since her death it has never really felt the same. With these two little tykes running around--I feel that we have a reason to make it extra special again. I am most thankful for that this year.

I have always enjoyed giving gifts. I will admit that I like receiving them a lot as well, but I get happiness from buying for those that I love. So I am sure that now that I have P to buy for I will enjoy it all the more. While I am sure that this year P did not really understand what was going on--I am so looking forward to the years to come where I can really appreciate the wonder that Santa and Christmas will bring to my child.

Hope your Christmas was as special as mine!

Happy 11 Months P!

I can't believe I almost forgot to write this post. It is the holiday season and time is just flying by at record rates. We are getting ready for P's first Handley Christmas and her first Hanukkah Party with the Steinbergs! Here is what has changed in month 11!

This month P tops the charts at almost 23 pounds! Geez--I thought she was going to start slowing with her weight gain, but sistah is still packing em on. She is a lot more active this month, so hopefully we will see some slimming here soon.

P took her first steps in month 11. She broke her two top teeth, and can stand on her own without any support and without pulling up on objects.

P loves her baths as long as she is allowed to crawl around and stand. She also loves to play with her rubber duck and bath letters (for some reason she only enjoys the letter Q).

She is a champion sleeper--sleeping 12 hours at night. It has been awhile since we have even heard her stir in the middle of the night. We went through a little rough patch with our naps as I worked on a transition in her schedule. However, P adjusted beautifully after a few days hard work. My work changed my class schedule on me in November, and I was going crazy worrying about if I was going to be able to make it work. Now, I can breathe a little bit easier knowing that P should be able to sleep while I am teaching all of classes. I don't know why I ever doubted my girl. She always makes me pay for not having enough faith in her. While I know that it wouldn't have been the end of the world (for her) to have to go to a mom's morning out or a daycare a few times a week--it would have set us back financially. We are working hard to save for a house, and didn't want to have to pay for childcare. I will post P's new schedule for those of you who like checking out schedule ideas for each stage of your child's development.

We have definitely had a lot of verbal progress in the 11th month. P's list of words contains: mama, dada, doggy, kitty, right, light, cheese, hi, bye-bye, and hey. I have also noticed that she is able to follow simple and moderate commands. If I ask her where something is she can point to it. If I ask her to go get something, she can do it. She can blow kisses and play Peek-a-boo. It is just amazing seeing language and cognition developing. It brings me a lot of joy to see her learn.

Another thing P has developed is a pretty bad temper. P loves sharing my morning bagel with me. I often pinch off little pieces of the soft middle for her to eat. If I do not do this, then she pitches a tantrum. Complete with slapping and kicking. We are not really sure what we can do about this at her current age. She certainly doesn't understand the concept of time out yet.

We continue to struggle at times with solid foods. P is very picky with her finger foods. She only eats cheese and bread so far. She is also getting frustrated with puréed foods. We are having to try all kinds of crazy tricks to get her to eat. Couple that with the fact that she is not really interested in my milk any more, and it is frustrating. She will still drink fairly good amounts of water out of her sippy cup, though. We are going to transition to whole milk soon. I cannot wait to be done with the pump. I am planning to do something ceremonial with it when I am done to commemorate the 9 months I spent exclusively pumping for P. I'm thinking burial or smashing it with a sledge hammer. What do you guys think?

Happy 11 months my sweet P! You have brought me so much joy in the past 11 months. I love sharing sweet hugs and kisses with you. I can't wait to experience childhood again through your eyes. Merry Christmas my angel baby!

Love,
Mom

It's Beginning to Feel A Lot Like Christmas!

It's here! It's here! Another Christmas season is upon us. I am so excited to celebrate with my daughter for the first time ever! Just typing that made a knot appear in my throat. Oh, how much I love having that little girl around. She makes everything in life so much more exciting.

P is extra lucky because she is going to grow up receiving the knowledge and traditions of two religions. I was raised Baptist and my husband was raised Jewish. So while neither of us are what you would call practicing religious participants--we still like to instill the basic ideals in our children. We believe that there is value in a religious education. We hope to expose precious little P to both religions. One day she may choose one over the other, or she may choose neither--that is just fine with us too!

This year she is still a little too young to really understand what it is going on, but I know that next Christmas and Hanukkah will be even better. She will be able to really listen to both of the stories, and really get excited about them both. This year my aunt gave her a Hanukkah Corduroy book, and it has quickly become one of our favorite. P loved to count the candles on the menorah with mommy and daddy! Next year, I can't wait to light the candles with her and have her actually appreciate how beautiful it is when the menorah is full.

This year I am most looking forward to having time off with my little family. The last couple of weeks have been rough as P is at yet another transition in her nap schedule. She has been wearing me out lately. I am chasing her around the house. I'm always kissing her boo boos that are inevitable with a baby as mobile and off the wall as she is. Entertaining her has become a full time job, and unfortunately (for me) I already have one job. So I am looking forward to having two extra hands around to help me entertain my hyper nearly 1 year old.

I have been working really hard on P's birthday preparations. I have made her invitations, food labels for the food at her party, signs for the party, and her birthday chalkboard. I am going to get all of these things printed over the break while I have time. I have become pretty good at making these printable things for her party. Since I couldn't really find what I wanted--I just made my own. So I have decided that I will start an Etsy shop and sell digital prints to moms like me. It's hard to find exactly what you want out there! I know there are a lot of moms out there who have less time than me to make something that agrees with the vision that I have in my head. You can check my shop out here.

And just for fun. Here is a little something I made for the holidays! Think of it as a present from my little family to yours.  You should be able to right click and save to your computer. Then you can print  at home or on office depot (for like $3) and frame. Merry Christmas, and Happy Hanukkah!

P's Birthday/Holiday Wishlist--What to buy a toddler?

I have been getting a lot of questions about what types of things Piper wants for Christmas/Hanukkah and her Birthday in January. Of course, She doesn't want anything because she doesn't know any better. But I understand that it is really hard to know what to get a one year old. you want to get something that the baby will like and that will also help the parents out in some way. So it really boils down to what she needs and what we need as her parents. If you have a one year old in your family that you are needing to buy for--this is the list for you.

I have recently been trying to change her schedule to better accommodate with my new work schedule. I am finding that she is more than willing to stretch her awake time, but she does not want to play independently. This has been a struggle for me as a work from home mom. So--The number one thing that I think P needs is age appropriate toys. I am hoping that several new toys will help her play independently for longer bursts of time during my work day. Here is what I found while doing my research.

1. Fisher-Price Brilliant Basics Stroller Styled Walker
One of P's friends has this walker and says that her little one loves pushing it everywhere. I think P would do the same. I also love that it helps with that nurturing side. I know a lot of 18 month olds that seem to go through a nurturing stage where they want to take care of their toys--even diapering and rocking them to sleep. This toy would be perfect for that stage.

2. Munchkin Bath Dunkers
P loves the bath, but she is quickly getting tired of her current bath toys. I think that she would love these bath dunkers. It is essentially a basketball net that you can put on the side of the tub so that baby can put the toys in the net. So cute.

3. Fisher-Price Click 'N Learn Remote
We went to a friend's house over Thanksgiving and her baby had this play remote and P was obsessed with it the entire time we were there. She plays with our real remote controls around the house, so I know that she will love this and get a lot of use out of it.

4. Pajamas and Sleepers
P still gets serious wear out of her sleepers and pajamas. She wears holes in the toes within a week or two of wear. She has started to get a little too big for her 12 month sleepers, so it is time to start stocking up on the 18 month pajamas.

5. Playskool Poppin' Park Elefun Busy Ball Popper
P loves to play with balls, so I know that this will get me a couple of minutes to work during the day. I think that it will take her awhile to learn how to work it, but once she does she will likely be chasing the balls everywhere. Now to keep the cat and dog away from them.

6. Baby Mozart Music Cube
This toy is on every parenting magazine list that I reviewed. Since my darling P loves anything musical. I know that she would enjoy this toy that plays different musical instrument sounds and lights up.

7. Board Books
P loves to play with books. Even when I am not reading them to her she loves to sit and flip the pages. If the book as buttons with music and sounds--even better.

8. Play Kitchen
Yesterday I posted on Facebook looking for some suggestions for how to keep P busy during work hours and this is the number 1 response that I got. While I had thought that she wouldn't really be able to play with a play kitchen until two. All of my mommy friends were saying that a play kitchen with play plates, pots and pans would give me hours of independent play. Well--I am all for that.

Of course there are other, less exciting things that P needs. I just didn't feel like putting socks on the list. Who wants to buy that? BUT-- What baby doesn't need socks? Somehow we are always losing them and are in constant need of new pairs. P is also starting to walk and needs shoes. I would love to get her some of those moccasins off of etsy, but they tend to be a bit pricey. I see a lot of babies around wearing them and think that they are adorable, but I am not sure of how "piper-proof" they are. My girl is rough and tumble for sure.

I always tell family and friends that when all else fails--babies always need clothes. Especially at this age where P wears the knees out of her pants crawling around. So if you are ever in doubt, and can't find anything to get a little one--clothes are always a good bet. I also would never be upset with receiving a pack of diapers. I don't know a momma that would.

What types of gifts do you recommend for your toddler?

If I Could Do It Again...

As January 13th draws nearer--the nostalgia sets in. I find myself sifting through P's monthly photos. Sometimes I smile and laugh. Other times I sit and cry silently. I can tell that it is even starting to get to J a little bit. I find him wanting to hold onto P a little tighter. Almost as if he too is savoring this last month of infant-ness.

The last couple of days I have been thinking about what I would do differently if I ever have another child. I think that this is a common thought that most mothers probably have at one point in their lives.

I am sure you have noticed that I am a planner. Before P was even born I had a strong philosophy of how I wanted to structure her first year of life. That is just it--it was very STRUCTURED. The whole thing. When that structure was thrown off--we struggled to operate. Because I was like this--she was a great baby. She does things that a lot of mom's wish their babies would do. She falls asleep on her own. She soothes herself back to sleep. She sleeps 12 hours at night, and she wakes happy (most of the time). I am so grateful for all of these things. I give credit where credit is due, and I know that I worked hard at each of these things.

BUT...there is a downside to this. Because I worried endlessly about P being about to soothe herself and fall asleep on her own--she does not want me to soothe her. She does not want to fall asleep with me. Because I worried that she would be spoiled if I held her all of the time--I put her down and allowed her to play alone most of the time. Now, she does not like to be held, rocked, or hugged. I put such an emphasis on routine and keeping everything the same for her so that she would sleep well--and now she will not sleep without these things and that routine. She will not sleep in the car or in her baby carrier, or in your arms while out and about. She is a slave to the routine and not the other way around.

If I do it again--I will probably do it the same with some small modifications here and there. At least in the first 8 weeks or so I wouldn't worry so much about putting her down and not holding her all of the time. I would hold her as much as I wanted. I would wear her in that moby wrap and handle whatever needed to be handled. I would cherish those days mightily where they can sleep through anything. I wouldn't be so quick to put her down. Because next time, I will understand that those days are the only days in her life where she will completely and totally belong to me. Those are days and memories that I will cherish forever. They are moments that no one else gets to have with my baby. They are reserved only for us. I will not deprive myself of those next time because I am afraid of spoiling her. If I have to work harder later because of it--then so be it.

If I do it again I will be more proactive with breastfeeding. With P, we hit a bump in the road at 8 weeks, and I just switched to pumping. I gave up. At the time I just went with it because I felt like it was easier for P. While it was easier for P, it was devastating for me. I became attached to the pump, and I still am. If I could do it again, I would fight through the tough days and go to a lactation specialist. I would work hard for breastfeeding for myself and for my baby. I am so jealous of my friends that still breastfeed their almost 1 year olds. I want to have that time cuddled up with P. I want to hear those soft wheezes that she used to make. I feel that I missed out on intimate time with my daughter because I just didn't know any better. If there is another one--I will do everything I have to do to help us both sustain that relationship as long as we can.

Looking back, I think that J and I have done a great job so far. P is very happy and healthy. We too are very happy with her. So--my plan worked out in the end. But I think you would be hard pressed to find a mom that didn't have a thing or two that she wished she could change. These two things above are mine.

So my advice to you new mommies with tiny ones. Hold them close, nurse them often, and don't worry too much about spoiling them. When they are running around your house terrorizing the cat these are the moments that you will miss.

What would you do differently with your next child?