When She Drives Me To Tears

Last night was one of those nights. P had an accident with potty training at school where she literally fell off of the potty and peed all over herself. I think it scarred her a bit, and therefore she was very mean to me all afternoon.

Even though I know that she is a toddler, and that she can only control her bodily functions. I understand that she was frustrated and disappointed in herself. I knew she was taking it out on me because she is most comfortable with me. I know that she was doing it because she loves me the most. I know because I used to do it too--to my mom. But it doesn't make it any easier.

Last night we had a 45 minute battle of the wills over going to the potty before bed. P is at the point where she knows that she is not supposed to go in her panties or her pull up. I knew that she had been holding it ever since she left daycare. For whatever reason she was refusing to go, and was visibly uncomfortable. I mean, she was doing the "I have to pee dance."

So she screamed and hit and slapped in my direction. I kept my cool just gently saying, "step up on your stool." She never did. The stand off finally ended with me stripping her pants and pull up off only for her to kick it up a notch into violent rage--therefore emptying her bladder all over the floor and her pajamas. Then she screamed because she is, "Not supposed to pee on the floor."

I felt awful for her. I know that regressions happen. I just hope that I haven't scarred her against the potty for awhile. Mostly, I felt guilty because all I could think about was getting away from her. All I wanted to do was cry for me, for her, and for all the future times I know I will be her punching bag. It's one of my jobs as a mom, but it is not one that I enjoy.

So I let myself cry for her, and for me. Then I went about my night. Hoping and praying that this morning would be different. She did protest slightly at going potty for me this morning, but she did finally go after I bribed her with M&Ms (which didn't work last night).

Last night was one of those nights where being a mom is just hard. We are having a lot of those lately--rebellious toddlers are harder than I thought. It made me appreciate my mom even more--for all the times that I know I took things out on her. She lost it sometimes--but mostly she understood. I didn't deserve understanding--but I always got it. I'm learning how to be more like that--and hoping some day that I will.

Happy Hump Day!