Wednesday, March 25, 2015

Lacking Inspiration

So lately I have been feeling like I am lacking inspiration, and really feel that there isn't much interesting going on in my life to blog about. Sometimes--I just feel like I am boring. This is a crappy excuse for my absence, but it is an excuse.

Over the last month we have been plowing into soccer season. This means that two nights a week J doesn't come home until P is already asleep. I hate to complain--but those are LONG days. I don't see how women do this everyday by themselves. And--believe me when I say that I know that many women do it alone. They are my sheroes (you know, heroes that are female). I think that this is part of the reason that I feel a little extra uninspired lately. It may be the lack of adult interaction, or the fact that I have been sick for the past month--or maybe it's that P had a stomach thing yesterday that caused me to do 4 loads of laundry in the span of 24 hours.

Whatever the reason--I haven't found the inspiration or the time to sit down and tell you about my life. I decided today that I wouldn't let that be an excuse. Instead--I'm going to turn it into my post. Because this is what real life is like. I too am like you--I read other people's blogs and a lot of times they make me feel bad about myself. Somehow they find the time to do everything that I do and cook fancy three course dinners for their husbands.

Well screw you, little Suzie Homemaker. I hate you and your perfect hair and makeup in the baby food aisle at Target. I see those stares of disdain as I sit cross-legged on the floor feeding my daughter a pouch because she was screaming "EAT!" at the top of her lungs. I know what you are thinking about my parenting, sister. Guess what--I couldn't care less what you think because on a day like today when my daughter didn't seem hungry all day until that moment--I will let her eat standing upside down if it will get nourishment in her body.

The only way to combat allowing the feelings of inadequacy that start to creep up as I read through all of these posts about how some mom out in California found the time to dye Easter eggs with her two year old after she saved the world--is to rationalize that it is all a LIE. And maybe it is, and then again, maybe it isn't. (but if it isn't--then just don't tell me because I would like to go on believing that it is).

And it is totally my fault because I choose to read the posts, and it is also my fault that I let it affect how I feel. So I choose to believe that they are taking the best parts of all of their week and putting them together into one post and calling it a "day." I mean--are they really operating with the same 14 hours that I am? How is it possible that they can do so much more than I can with the same time span? No, no, no--it's a sham, I tell you!

So let me say to all of you that are reading this. Here is the truth. Every morning I wake up cursing the clock. I wake P up and change her diaper. I put her in the pack n play and leave her there for 45 minutes while I work. It is the longest amount of continuous work that I get done while she is awake all day long. During that time I allow her to watch a million episodes of The Wiggles. Then I feed her breakfast. Next, I let her play in the living room while I work. Then I put her down for a nap. During her nap I work, eat lunch, and usually watch an episode of Real Housewives because I F****** deserve it! Then I wake P up and feed her lunch. Then she plays, and then she sleeps again. I try to work some more. Then she gets up and eats her snack and watches more Wiggles. Then we play until dinner time. Then she eats dinner and we wait for either J to come home--or we go somewhere to keep our sanity. Then I come home and give her a bath, and then I put her to bed, and then I go to sleep. AND that is it. That is my day every single day of the work week.

And that is what it is really like for a lot of us I would like to think. I am sorry if I ever made you think otherwise or if you felt bad about your life because of a post that I made. I love my life, and I wouldn't change a thing. This is the life I wanted, and even when it isn't exciting or inspiring--I am happy to be living it.

Happy Wednesday, Y'all!

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